In North America, Your Social Status Is More Important Than Your Personality

(This was a stage I was going through).beauty

In North America, when it comes to picking up a stranger, beautiful women don’t care if you’re a good man. They don’t care if you’ve read a ton of books. They don’t care if you have a good career. They care:

  1. If you’re good looking and tall.
  2. If her friends know, talk about, or approve of you.
  3. If you’re emotionally stimulating (ie, the jerk or bad boy.)
  4. If you have social status, like being famous or very well known and talked about.

When I was a kid I had a crush on a young waitress. One day I sat for dinner and was flirting with her. I could make her laugh, I would say intelligent things, deep things, and she could hold her own in the conversation. When I asked for her number she rejected me. I couldn’t understand why. If we got along so well, and I was a nice guy, why the rejection?

A few nights later I had a gig with my punk band. We set up and played a good set to a big crowd. I spotted the waitress below the stage. I felt a surge of egoic pride that she’d seen me in my band. Now she knew I was special. But, she should have assumed it in the first place.

After the show she climbed on stage, stood in front of me nervously and said, “I didn’t know you were in a band!”

I patted her on the head, said, “Yes. I’m in a band.”

Then I packed up my gear and never saw her again.

I had a client that is a multi-millionaire, a good looking Asian guy in his mid twenties. He is a really cool guy, and still a friend of mine. When I would take him out, he would take the rejections like all of us. He refused to use his status as a millionaire, professional poker player, to pick up girls. The Vancouver women would mostly ignore him, flake on his phone calls and texts, and reject his advances. All I could think was, you stupid girls. This guy could fly you anywhere in the world. He could take you on real adventures. You could be sleeping in his penthouse, overlooking coal harbor.

But, they didn’t know anyone who could vouch for him. The girls were too safe, in their social circles. He’s not on stage. He’s not in a band. He’s not a dj, he doesn’t know who they know.

But, if I were to put him on stage, and tell the crowd that he’s the coolest, richest man in Vancouver, and have a local band dedicate their set to his greatness—I’m sure the women would take his advances less lightly. Because he is a really awesome, funny, handsome guy (though shorter, like myself.)

The other day I met another pretty waitress. We talked while I had a beer. She was quite flirtatious. At the end, I got her phone number. She said she was free on Thursday. I wasn’t surprised when she didn’t return my text messages, after all, she’s a Vancouver woman. Do I doubt my ability to seduce a pretty girl? Hell no, I’ve done it many times. I’ve been with hotter girls than her. When I found out my ex-girlfriend knew her, I asked her to find out, for science’s sake, why she didn’t want to hang out with me.

“Oh, she gets asked out five times a day. You’re not her type, she likes really tall, buff guys.”

Of course I was a little offended, but not really. I mean, I can’t make myself taller, or better looking. But I’m Tony fucking D. And she doesn’t know that I wrote a novel, played in popular bands, and travel the world teaching men how to improve themselves. How could she know? Nobody she knows has told her, and that’s what is most important to women, social status.

I write for men, but I also write for women. There is enough information on the Internet for any average guy to learn what he has to: The numbers game.

When pretty young women fuck around in their early twenties, and end up stale baguettes in their early thirties, and wonder where all the, “real men,” have gone, I say, they were right there. They were the nice guys that asked you out. The next great rockstar was the guy in the cafeteria, the next big comedian was the guy you met at Starbucks. You didn’t answer his text message. And now no, “Real Man,” wants you, because you’re fat and old.

We have no options left. We have to approach a thousand women, with the same techniques, the same lines, the same bullshit, in order to get a date.

The average guy isn’t tall and good looking. He isn’t in a famous band. He isn’t rich. He doesn’t have a massive social circle. All he has is potential. But if a woman isn’t even curious enough to dig, to give you a chance, what options does the average guy have? He has to become extra-ordinary.

This is why the pickup artists do what they do. This is why we go out night after night. This is why we pretend to be carefree jerks. This is why we tease and neg.

The women made us this way, because they don’t need us. They don’t need our minds, they don’t need our money. We make better ornaments than providers.

North American women are damaged, as are we.

My suggestion to you, the average man: If you want to date the most beautiful women, you will have to learn pickup. You will have to raise your status. You will have to work your ass off in the gym to build muscles. You will have to make a shit load of money. You will have to approach hundreds of women for one date.

Or, you could move to a country where you believe beautiful women are still feminine, and appreciate a man for his manliness, integrity, wit and drive…and not his social standing. Perhaps this place is a myth. I don’t know if such a place exists. Game exists.

***Click here for my Summer 2013 coaching schedule***


  1. John says

    While I agree that both the women and men in North American dating scene are inherently damaged to a certain extent, it’s not the women’s fault that they cannot see through the bullshit of social conditioning. Perhaps it’s the PUA’s job to show them what a real man is like and how attractive our intelligence can be? I’m still a noobie though, just a thought.


  2. says

    “Or, you could move to a country where beautiful women are still feminine, and appreciate a man for his manliness, integrity, wit and drive…and not his social standing.”

    If you, as an American/ Brit/ Canadian, go to a poorer country in South America or Eastern Europe (the kinds of places I assume you are referring to) you can certainly get lots of women. But it’s not because the women are more “feminine.” It’s because you are the Western guy. In other words–social standing. It’s the same thing.

    Women operate the same everywhere. It’s just that in richer, more prosperous societies, the bar is higher for men than in poorer more destitute places. The men in the richer countries who are middle class or lower class say that women are “less feminine.” But it’s really just that they do not carry the same level of perceived attractiveness as the higher-status men in their own country. If they take a plane to Bulgaria or Kyrgyzstan or Thailand, suddenly their status (and therefore sexual desirability) shoots into the stratosphere.

    If you believe that women in poorer countries do not “appreciate a man for his social standing” you are ignoring the reality of human sexual dynamics.

    Rest assured even the snottiest babe on Madison Ave will be “feminine” and submissive for a Donald Trump, a George Clooney, a Will Smith, etc.

    • Tony D says

      I agree. I think that the dynamics of social status are different out there. Not saying it’s a better lifestyle. This post was en extreme example of a bad couple of interactions in writing. Thanks for commenting.

    • BetaBoi says

      I agree that women operate the same everywhere in terms of Social Status, but if you take a more Traditional Society vs a Western Modern One in general the women are more feminine… Asian Women are still Women – in general they know how to take care of a man and in fact are better at manipulating men than Western women (because they still know how to give a man what he wants).

      Western Women (and Men in general are much, much different).

      Westerners function from a totally different mindset than any Asian country. Westerners tend to be more individualistic and in the worst cases alot more narcissistic.

      Asians to me, not Westernized Asians but Asiatic Asians are much more social (with the exception of maybe Japan) and have much more defined gender roles.

      Their culture is inherently different.

      The Women to me in general are more graceful and feminine as a whole. After travelling for more almost 2 years and living in Asia I tend to view Westerner culture as moving towards every one becoming an Androgynous Robot Consumer.

      To say that a Western Women and a Thai Women are the same and have the same level of femininity is a fallacy.

      It’s night and day.

      • says

        I can agree with some of that. Although I personally do not define “femininity” in terms of traditional gender roles (at least not exclusively). I think it’s possible for a woman to be financially independent and emotionally strong, and still feminine. Passivity and weakness I don’t see as essential qualities. In more traditional societies, passivity and weakness become associated with the feminine by virtue of a long history of violent macho dominance.

        In the west, we are struggling to articulate a masculinity that does not rely on physical violence and female weakness. We’re getting there, but there is still a ways to go. But the answer is not to return to the old ways (not saying that you were implying that, but many argue that).

        In any case, my main point was just that it is very hard for a white American or British male to game in Ukraine and then conclude that Ukrainian women are more “feminine” (for instance). He would have to turn a blind eye to the massive social status he has in that situation. The Ukrainian woman definitely sees his status though.

        Who has a better chance with the average Ukrainian hottie: a lower-class Ukrainian man with integrity and wit and not much else, or a big Kiev politician or Ukrainian rock star?

        • BetaBoi says

          I’ve mostly been in Asia, and poorer parts and I can attest and agree to the fact that you get a massive social status boost for being white.

          I don’t think Asian Women are totally passive (I never said that and I’m not talking about bar girls or hookers here either) or when they are it’s more like a “strength”.

          You’d have to know something about Buddhism or Taoism to get what I mean by passivity as strength…

          They are actually quite strong and cunning – and you should be careful that they don’t cut off your dick if you fuck up!

          On the whole, they are emotionally stronger and can control and satisfy a male in ways that western Women can’t seem to or don’t want to. I don’t know if it stems from Traditional Western Roles, or having stronger family values as opposed to work values…. I think it’s probably just as likely to come from Buddhist philosophy.

          And for the record I think the Western Man is just as responsible for the situation in the West. In fact it’s the whole Western culture and society that in my view have some major flaws… (though this could just stem from me being happier here than there).

          The other popular misconception about Asian girls is they want you just for a passport. This might be something that is more Eastern European, I can’t speak to that, as I’ve mostly been in Asia.

          Most Asian girls are extremely attached to their families and very nationalistic. They love their countries and don’t really want to leave at all for any long term reasons.

          The Westernized Asians that you find in Canada, are much, much different than Asiatic Asians.

          Yeah, I agree with your “status” premise. But, I just think that femininity differs from culture to culture. I’d say the same thing about masculinity too.

          Defining those things is complex. But to me in the West the lines between the feminine and masculine have been blurred. And whether it’s a traditional viewpoint or not… I’m not down with androgyny.

          Just because an idea is “new” doesn’t mean it’s good. In the west we tend to look at the “new thing” as better than the “old thing”… however some ideas in Asia have been around for thousands of years and there are reasons why those idea last’s have lasted thousands of years.

          The West is young IMO, and is still grappling with the human psyche through psychology – whereas Asia solved many of these problems thousands of years ago with Buddhism.

          I also agree you can have an emotionally strong career women who is also feminine.

          Nothing in this world is mutually inclusive or exclusive.

    • easterner says

      ”But it’s not because the women are more “feminine.” It’s because you are the Western guy. In other words–social standing. It’s the same thing.”
      ”Rest assured even the snottiest babe on Madison Ave will be “feminine” and submissive for a Donald Trump, a George Clooney, a Will Smith, etc.”

      That is erroneous, I assume that you take in consideration the majority of women from a country or from certain areas of the world based on some statistics, then that I do not know. However, if this is simply a generalization based on the principle: ”money can buy anything” than I can only say that there are women who I know (educated etc) that have refused people with money from inside their country and western men. I think that here we assume only women that do not have much education or are not financially independent, therefore desperate… plus usually a man with education and money does not consider women of a lower social status as more than a game… so man fall for this ”fallacy” as well..

  3. AJ says

    Or get a job where you meet lots of hot women and they automatically know your social standing. This is part of the reason why I became an airline pilot. Lots of pretty young girlies everywhere looking to bag a pilot.
    Loving the blog Tony. When’s the book coming out?

  4. TJ says

    Great article Tony. But in the poor countries, and here I am talking about Eastern Europe where I am from, girls are even greedier when comes to money and stuff. They are desperate. Many times you’ll see a gorgeous 25 years old girl, with a fat 50 something rich dude. It’s way worse than North America where girls don’t need a provider to save them from starvation.

  5. jason says

    lol holy shit bro you’re the biggest fucking doucher i’ve ever encountered in my life

    no wonder women think you’re a fucking loser – it’s because you’re a total dickbag

  6. Asian Brah says

    Your post is somewhat true but also pessimistic. In a way you are discouraging most of your readers who are trying to learn game by telling them that learning game is not enough.

    I feel that you are picking out extremes and just overly picky cities. I am sure in smaller towns and smaller cities the game would be different.

    • Tony D says

      Is telling a soldier heading off to war that he might die, pessimistic? It’s the truth. Doesn’t mean you have to be depressed about it. Just train harder and keep your head down.

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