I have an exercise on bootcamp where I get men to howl at the top of their lungs in public.
This helps me determine the speed with which the student will conquer their approach anxiety. Most guys manage a pathetic little moan rather than a howl.
Even though I demonstrate, roaring as loud as I can, loud enough for people across the block to hear me (and they do), the students still can’t pull this off. They’re stifled and trapped in their heads, scared of imposing themselves, being embarrassed or confronting social norms.
We’re all brainwashed; by parents, school, religion and the media. This is called Social Conditioning.
In some cultures young men are expected to approach women they find attractive, to become leaders, to assert themselves. In some cultures people are conditioned to keep their heads down, eyes averted, voice low and to respect (fear) authority.
Hollywood movies love to portray the quiet, shy, polite guy winning the girl by being really nice and accommodating.
We have a generation of softies.
When I was a kid I thought women hated cocky meatheads. Then came high school and the athletic, outgoing types like actors and sports stars dated the pretty girls. My assumption? They were all stupid idiots. I buried my head in the sand.
My social conditioning came from punk rock records, where insecurity was celebrated. Fuck the man, everything is corrupt, everybody is a sellout, pretty women are shallow bitches, money is evil, exercise is dumb, I’m too smart for everything. Hooray for insecurity!
A large part of success with women is learning to assert yourself. To take up space. To be inspirational.
You know the cool guy. We’ve all tried this outfit on.
He’s at the back of the bar, sunglasses on, clutching a drink. Women circle around him and send flirty glances. Eventually the girls can’t handle his hotness, mystery and Cool Guy vibe. Is he famous? He’s soooo deep. They can’t resist any longer, they find their pussies getting wet and just have to approach him.
Oh yeah (Barry Manilow voice), Cool Guy.
Cool Guy is not cool…he’s afraid.
He’s boring. He doesn’t want to “intrude.” He fears rejection. He doesn’t want to shatter the imaginary vision of who he thinks he is.
Can you howl like a wolf at the top of your lungs in public? Or are you too worried about fitting in? Go try it.
If nobody looks at you, you are invisible. Be seen. Be heard. Be felt.
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