Break The Cycle of Repetition and Grow

Metaphors suck in the digital age. How can I describe a broken record? It’s an archaic cliché. How about a scratched CD that skips? How about a glitching mp4 file on a faulty VLC media player? It all sounds like robot love but the robots are screwed. Once they find their souls, they’ll realize there’s nothing to latch onto. A flower will always be a flower, at least until it grows wings and a brain.


When you find yourself repeating patterns, like getting up, getting your coffee, going to work, coming home, having a beer, watching Netflix and sleeping, or any variation of an extreme repetition—you are stuck in comfort.

We love our patterns. We stick to the same music, the same old friends, the same sports, the same types of books and movies. And this isn’t necessarily “bad.” It’s how we develop skill: through repetition. But when you’re lifestyle stagnates on repeat, you grow dull, fat and uninspired. Your lifestyle might be one big bad habit.

The easiest way to break bad habits is to separate yourself from the environment that fosters repetition.

Travel. Go on a trip. Get away from your safety zone. Separate yourself from your technology.

Go alone, leave your friends behind and make new ones.

This blog is primarily about men and their desire to make love with beautiful women. Are you one of the men that aren’t taking action? Are you creating excuses, reasons and justifications?

I work too much

I can’t afford it. I’m broke.

I’m still in school.

For whatever excuse you’ve made, the reality is, you’re stuck on repeat. You’re jammed and you need to break the cycle.

Leave. Leave that small town. Leave your city. Leave your Mom’s house. Go to another place, without your creature comforts. Go where you know nobody and will be forced to live a different lifestyle.

This doesn’t mean you should go to a high end resort and be waited on by slaves.

It could mean going into the mountains for two days and camping. Or going to another city and renting a room for two weeks. It could mean going to SE Asia for three months like I’m planning this winter.

When I’m trying to get work done, I make sure my desk is clean, and free of distraction. I turn off the phone, block the Internet. I take away all distraction so I can focus on my art. Yet sometimes I find myself on repeat. But it’s comfortable. It’s nice. It’s safe.

So what’s wrong with being comfortable and nice and safe?

There is no growth in safety. In order to grow as a human, you need new experience. You need to push your comfort zone. You need to try new ways of being, of doing.

I’ve found the easiest way to expand my life experience is by learning from other people, new people. The next time you travel, instead of sitting in your resort being fed booze by underpaid servants, go out and meet the locals. Meet real people and ask them about their lives. Learn how they live. Find out what their patterns are. Find out what their repetitions are. Let them teach you and teach them in return.

Take a trip. Get the fuck out while you’re still young and capable.

Your job will still be there, and if not, you can find another, better job.

Your girl can wait, and if she can’t, you can find another.

Your “stuff” is only stuff. You can buy more, or lend it to your friends.

Your house is just another “thing.”

There is a solution to every crisis of the soul. But it’s up to you to embrace your fear, and go for it.

When you’re on the brink of eternity, you will never regret travel and life experience. So do it now and break your cycle of mediocrity.

Are you afraid of change?

Sometimes, to get out of bed and face the same thing, over and over and over again, is the greatest act of courage.

***Follow me on Twitter.***


  1. SI says

    This article resonates with me. Because I know it is true. I used to camp in the back country for 5 days. And it is transformational every time. I would come out with a different perspective. My problem is I eventually got sucked back into my old habits. I could feel it happen gradually. It takes about three weeks. It’s time for me to take that trip again. And consciously work on my approach.

    I’m in a skeptical part of my life right now. I still find your writing true and speaking to me. These days this is rare.


  2. Osman says

    Hey Tony,

    I have a girl that I’ve been getting close to lately. However she herself is….boring. She doesn’t do anything to improve herself, instead makes excuses that she is incapable without even trying. I, however try to do everything I can to grow. By meeting new people (I’m a very social person), writing, ect.

    Is this worth pursuing? Let me rephrase actually, would she be bringing me down with all her negativity, and creating a stag in my own development while trying to attend to her needs? I don’t know if you have experience with dealing when dealing with these sorts of women.

    (Were both young adults)

    • Tony D says

      I had that problem with one of my ex girlfriends. I was into self help and she wasn’t. The relationship was doomed. The way I see it, if you’re not into improving yourself, why are you even alive?

  3. Jen says

    Wow! This article pumped me in a way I can’t even describe. I always try to find ways to improve myself and my life so I can enjoy life more and feel like I’m learning and growing. However, in the last two days I was feeling a little blue and started thinking it’s time to kick it up a notch and try new things.
    I’m so greatful to have found this site while reading another. I love it when things like these come to us.
    Thanks a million, Tony, for reminding us that yes, life is too short.

    PS: This advice to Osman: you deserve a chick with similar qualities as you. Don’t waste your time with someone who spends their time dwelling and making excuses for not enjoying life. A catch like you will meet a great gal in no time. If you really like her, address the issue to her and if she’s not willing to make changes, move on while you’re still young. best of luck!

  4. Sol says

    Hey man,

    Inspiring article. For few months now I been stuck in a rutt, and there seem to be no way out. I guess I’ll give it a shot. The only trick is, I’m from SE Asia. Maybe I’ll visit a country where the are a lot of white folks as I’m usually uncomfortable around them.

    Here’s to a new phase!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *