Why “Not Caring” is Bad Advice

(A bit of a long one today)

A few of my friends are fans of an American, middle aged, dating instructor/life coach/Internet marketer who I won’t name. His big catch phrase is along the lines of, “Don’t Care.”

He is referring to outcome dependence, and how it’s bad. I’ve met a few middle aged Internet dating gurus (I’m on the way) and I’m yet to meet one who’s actually dating very attractive women. Almost all of them are meeting 34 year old sixes off Ok Cupid, which is fine — if that’s your thing.

Here’s why the, “don’t care,” advice is bad for most guys.

Unless you are very good looking, have a very large social circle, or very high social status…you will have to care. Don’t we all wish we were that guy. And I know some of you are really good looking and tall and buff and have sick game, we love you. This information can be applied to anything outside of seduction.

Most guys equate, “not caring,” with, “not taking action.” So that means they don’t have to show interest, they don’t have to approach, they don’t have to run game, because they’re above that sort of lowly, needy behaviour.

I watched many of this guys videos and in none of them did he give any practical advice on how to attract women, other than not caring, or exuding positive vibes and telling himself how awesome he is. Yet he’s fast becoming one of the leading figures in online dating guru-land.

Isn’t that phrase so seductive?

“Don’t care bro. Just sit back, and let them come to you.”

It’s much sexier than my message of, “Work your ass off.”

Now, it’s good to not be affected by rejection. It’s good to be emotionally detached from outcome because then the rejections won’t send you into a spiral of negativity. But often, “not caring,” as dating advice is a lazy man’s philosophy.

I care.

You see, I care. I always have. I care about attracting the right women, the right students, the right friends. I care about making money, having freedom to travel, and creating great art. I fucking care a lot!

When a woman I like a lot flakes on me, trust me, I care. This doesn’t mean I hold onto my disappointment, crying into the night. No, I let it go. I write a story, go to the gym, visit friends. I control my emotions by using that energy in other productive ways.

Most beautiful women have many options. They are distracted and popular.

When it comes to meeting women, you MUST CARE. Have you ever heard of a top salesman who didn’t care about being the top salesman? A world class athlete who didn’t care about being winning a medal?

When you text her and she replies two days later, and you pull out some epic text game and turn it around…because you care.

When she doesn’t want to bang on the first date, but you spend a few hours playing the wax on wax off until she’s so turned on she sucks your cock and becomes your new gf…because you care.

When you don’t have enough money to go to Se Asia for three months, but you hustle like mad until you can do it…because you care.

Then isn’t it ridiculous to be a ladies man who doesn’t care about attracting beautiful ladies?

You must see your goal clearly, and take specific steps towards it. Not vague feelings, but real, logical maneuvers. The intuition comes within that action.

Intuition is nothing without logical action. Like, you don’t just wait for women to approach you, and chase you, unless you’re regularly having this sort of thing happen, like you’re high status, a boss, or musician, or very physically attractive. Most of us aren’t.

When you stop caring, you will stop achieving. This is the sort of advice, a feel good nothing along the lines of, “Just be yourself.”

It’s bullshit. You need to express yourself, your inner seduction artist, and you must care. About your performance, about your image, about your presentation, about your health and lifestyle.

What are your social options? Are you already abundant?

In 2014 women have so many dating options. They have Facebook, Okcupid, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Instagram, Texting, and on and on. You think you’re special? You think you can not care, and expect to hear from hot girls that have seemingly unlimited dating options? You better fucking care. It’s dog eat dog, and you are a Shitsu.

Abundance mentality isn’t, “not caring.”

Freedom from outcome isn’t, “not caring.”

If you want to live the life that you fantasize about, you have to care with great enthusiasm. And you have to take massive action towards that dream.

Push/Pull is still good.

Playing hard to get is good. Push pull is fantastic. But still, you should care. All winners care deeply about their potential achievements. We just don’t hang on to the emotions created from rejection, or perceived failure.

This doesn’t mean being a needy bitch with women, which I think is what the author is trying to convey. But if you’re a 6’4”, good looking champion with perfect hair, money in the bank and a massive, established social circle, then of course, “don’t care,” is good advice.

But for the rest of us mere mortals, we need to work our asses off. We need charm, persistence, technique and strategy.

Do generals win wars by not caring?

Did Picasso become world renowned by not caring?

You get the point. So care. Care deeply.

Not caring what people think about you. That’s a different article. 

***Leave comments below with questions, and If they’re good I’ll reply in a blog post.***