Every year I find it harder, and harder to write about this subject.
It’s not that I don’t have anything to say. I’ve written about a million words on this blog over the last 8 years.
If you met me in real life, and wanted to talk about pickup, women, love, travel, sex, game…you would have a hard time shutting me up. I can literally talk for hours, when you ask me a good question.
But left to my own time my attention wanders to politics, philosophy, pop-culture, travel, fiction, music, cinema, meditation, metaphysics, and so forth.
I rarely ever think about the science and philosophy of success with women.
However, I often think of how to teach men faster, and more effectively, and help motivate them.
I had my first pickup related epiphany in years yesterday.
I was at the beach with a friend, with no intention of meeting women. I just wanted to sit on the beach, have a beer, smoke a joint and watch the sunset and chat. Usually once I smoke pot, I give up on talking to women. I just get too in my head—too much chatter. Pot puts me outside of myself, out of the present moment, where I’m almost a spectator to my own thoughts and actions. It’s the opposite of alcohol which puts you in the present moment (often to a fault, and with a cost).
Anyway, a cute Mexican lady walks past in a Wonder Woman bikini. So I show her my approval and we end up talking. Because I’m stoned out of my gourd on BC weed, it feels all so awkward. My eyes are red and squinty, I’m mumbling and laughing. But instead of letting the anxiety take over, I just roll with it. Yes, I’m baked. Yes that’s fine. It’s absolutely fine.
She asks me, “Do you have Whattsapp?”
So big deal. I got a chick’s phone number while I was stoned. Well, it’s not often I learn something new about pickup, or myself. What I learned is no matter what state I’m in, I’m still attractive. I’m good enough. I don’t need to be on the ball 100 percent all the time. I’m good enough by just existing.
Should I know this by now? Yes…I should, and I do. But for whatever reason, it was a rare epiphany. Pot is good for that.
I’m not a stoner btw. But I do like a different perspective now and then.
Being into seduction, self-improvement, pickup, for 11 years now, I’ve been riding a plateau for a long, long time.
I miss those newbie years where everything I learned was absolute and paradigm shifting.
So many guys want to learn and change their sex lives as fast as possible. They ask me how long will it take? They beat themselves up for their failures—because they can’t control their fear of rejection, their fear of approaching, their insecurities and perceived weaknesses.
You have to embrace the process. You must learn from EXPERIENCE. Learn from MISTAKES.
You have to create your own reality. The sort you want to exist in.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to meet beautiful women, and learning how to do so with skill, science, study, and practice.
I’ve created a little graph here to show the typical learning curve in success with women. Notice how it is almost straight up, and then plateaus, and even drops at times before becoming nearly flat.
This is considering the student is regularly practicing, studying, and working hard to develop the skill over many years. Not once or twice a month. Serious, dedicated time spent on self-improvement through study + action.
This could represent any skill, from learning how to code, building a business or learning guitar.
Most guys won’t even make it past the first day, or month.
They quit and crawl back into their man caves, to occasionally meet someone off Tinder, maybe once or twice a year. Sometimes they get a girlfriend, or if they don’t, they shoot up a school, or kill themselves.
For those of us crazy enough to spend a decade learning how to approach women, the learning curve flattens right out. But at least we have the skillset. I’m so, so grateful I took the time to overcome my shyness, my nearly incel existence, to bring more beautiful, creative, amazing women into my life. To make such great friends from this weird, misunderstood community. To have such epic adventures and makes social connections all over the world. To write two books, to have an amazing love life.
Am I retiring? No. Not yet.
I love my incredibly rewarding job.
My message is this:
Whatever stage you are at, don’t give up.
Keep learning, keep studying, keep applying everything you’ve learned. Enjoy being an anxiety ridden newbie. Love those epiphanies. Revel in getting doing your first approach, getting your first phone number, experiencing your first 100 rejections…and then you’ll really appreciate the success that you’ve earned through hard (but fun) work.
Sure it’s terrifying to talk to strangers at first, and the learning curve is like a rocket to Mars, but please stay on the fucking rocket. In the end you will make the world a better place for yourself, the women you date, and the men you inspire.
And when you’ve learned enough, you can move on to other aspects of your life, other skills.
That is, unless you run a blog and coaching business. It could be worse.