I Don’t Know What to Say to Girls
[pullquote_right]I can approach girls I like; but I don’t know what to say. – Every student ever[/pullquote_right]
I’ve coached hundreds of guys how to pickup women, and literally every single one has the exact same problem:
They don’t know what to say.
Even intermediate players get stuck. Guys who’ve been practicing a year or more, trying to get phone numbers, dates, and all that, and they stumble on their words.
Advanced guys don’t have this problem, nor do I..anymore.
This is not a guide on verbal game. This is a reality check. I want to look past the strength of seductive, fun, flirtatious communication at the real underlying problems with your verbal game. Here comes the truth.
You don’t know what to say because…
You Are Nervous
That’s it. You’re too nervous. Your cerebral cortex is dulled when blood flows away from it to your extremities and muscles. Your body is preparing for battle, not sex. The answer is simple: Practice approaching girls and staying in set until you aren’t nervous anymore. It could take a month, a year, or two, depending on how often you practice, and at what intensity. Desensitize yourself.
You are TRYING to Pickup
Instead of trying to be impressive and witty, just let it go. Approach the women. Literally be one with having a boring conversation. Fail at pickup. Suck at it. Ask boring questions. Tell the girl about how you did the dishes before leaving the house. Tell her about whatever tv show you’re into. (Try this out with about ten girls and get back to me in the comments.) Just go out and approach women, and be really, really boring. When you stop trying you take the pressure off yourself, and then with practice, your natural wit and humour will emerge. It’s in there. If you can have a fun conversation with your friends, you can be witty and funny with girls.
She Doesn’t Want to Play With You
You know when you say something you think is witty, but the girl sort of ignores you? Or when you ask her a question she only answers with one word answers? When you try to hold eye contact she looks away? When you try going direct with a compliment and she says, “Thank you,” and turns away to check her text messages? So you go, “I just don’t know what to say…” No…dude.
Now remember that girl that laughed even though your joke wasn’t funny, who talked as much as you did, and asked you questions? Who introduced you to her friends? And you were all high and stoked like you had the best game in the Universe. Remember this — it takes two to tango. If she doesn’t play, it will seem like you have no game. You do. Move on and find a chick that’s down.
You Eject Too Soon
You’re talking, then you get nervous, or she doesn’t play along, so you walk away and think, “I don’t know what to say.” Learning verbal game is like going to the gym or any skill. You need to make every approach last at least two minutes. Stay in set until she tells you to go away, or walks away. This might seem to oppose the above, because it does. It means persitence vs giving up too early. You have to earn the right to walk away.
You’re Worried What People Think of You
You don’t want to look or sound foolish. Guess what? You will anyway. Get over yourself…cool guy.
You Doubt and Judge and Analyze Yourself
The best frame of mind is that of no thought. Don’t think. Just do. Thinking is a major game killer. Let the results speak for themselves and save reflection for when you’re at home writing notes in your journal. Analyzing and beating yourself up will only lower your self-esteem in the field, and for good results you need to be present in the moment, and intensely narcissistic.
Close
And remember your ABC’s: Always be closing. After all, why bother terrorizing yourself approaching all these scary girls and freaking out about not knowing what to say and staying in set two minutes if you’re not even going to close. Just say, “Hey, what’s your number?”
In the end, you just need to chill out and trust the process. If you practice enough, you will get the hang of it. But it takes time to learn. Have fun! This isn’t meant to be scary and embarrassing. Chill bro, relax. Now go practice today, and every day, until you aren’t nervous anymore.
***I travel and teach pickup full time. Contact me today and I will come to your city to coach you.***
Hi Tony , dish washing chit-chat is awesome ! I had a girl smile , allmost laugh , with all this talk about washing dishes . She’s thinking ( I could just tell ) , “What a rediculous , because it’s so mundane , subject to be dwelling on”. “It’s soo rediculous , it’s funny!”. “What’s he going to talk about next , going to the bathroom or how many buttons should he have on his shirt ? ” Haha.
You said talk about dish washing experience from last night. I’m to afraid to do exactly that ! I did say , “I don’t use soap when I wash dishes”. ” My friend , I was in kitchen with him & he was cooking ( this actually happened about 3 years ago ) , & he was boiling water in a metal pot on the stove , he going to cook his food , I forget what kind of food he cook , I think he vegetarian so probably vegy’s “. “You know vegy’s ? ” Girl is ESL , is why I asked her if she know the word “vegy’s”. She bad ESL , girl , not know English very well , but she figured out that vegy mean vegetables . Soap bubbles started coming out of my friends boiling water pot ! I told her that. So that’s why I don’t use soap anymore , I told her. “Do you think that’s ok ?” ( using no soap ) , I asked her. “You should use soap” , she replied. “But what about the bubbles ?” , I asked. “Do you know bubbles ?” ( The “word” – “bubbles” , what mean , I was asking her )
By the way Tony , this girl ( girls ) , are accross street from The Carnegie , accross Main St. , East , from The Carnegie ( Main & Hastings , Vancouver ). Couple cuties , very new to Canada , work at this inexpensive Chinese restaurant. They have Basa fish & lasagna & Chinese food. Kind of a smorgasbord type place , you point & they dish it up for you. I can’t remember restaurant’s name. If anybody want talk to a couple cuties , about dish washing , this place is beside Royal Bank , directly accross the street , East , from Carnegie.
“Do you think dish washing soap is special soap that it’s ok if it’s not completely rinsed off , you can still digest it , & it would be ok ?” She replie , “You can’t eat soap , no good “. “So what should I do ?” She replie, “You no eat soap , not good!”. “I’m confused , will you teach me how wash dishes ?”. “I busy” , she say. “If I scrub really well , & you can’t see food on plate , do you think I’ll be ok ?” “You not ok” , she smile & laugh a bit. “What if I get sick?” “Look , is it ok if I ask one more question?”. I was starting to get nervous & scared , because I had no idea in my mind what my last question was going to be. In fact , I got part way through my sentance , before something popped into my head on what to say , how to finish my sentance. I started with , “Do you think ( mind blank ) , it’s better , would be good to use warm or hot water ?” She smile at this stupid question , she thinking , “Is this guy really that clueless?” “Hot” , she say. “Ok , thank you. By the way what’s your name?” “I’m Timothy”. “I no have name” , she replied. “Well , what should I do now?” , I say. I look at her , I catch her eye. “I tell you ( her name ) next time “. “Goodbye , I go now , thank you” , I say. I turn & walk out with my cooked $1.50 Basa fish.
Let’s have some more chit – chat topics , Tony , we still have no idea what to talk about ( besides dish washing , lol ). I’m serious , please give us couple more topics.
Thank you , sincerely , “those that don’t know , are lost in the wilderness”. Haha.