I know plenty of guys who dream of marriage–of the one perfect girl that will fill their empty vessel of a soul.
But I know plenty who also have open relationships, date more than one woman, and even manage small harems (the girls know each other).
There are both benefits and cons to all relationship types. You may deal with jealousy, competitiveness, and general drama. Or not. It really depends on the situation.
I’ve had a few monogamous girlfriends too; just not for about seven years. But in that time I’ve had multiple short term (1-6 month) open relationships.
I have absolutely no interest in marriage. Kids…maybe. I’ve softened on that. But the only benefit I can see to marriage is perhaps help a girl who loves me, or a good friend, get a Visa out of their shithole country.
It may seem like the dream to have more than one girlfriend. To have your cake and eat it too. And it can be very rewarding, but also difficult, emotionally, logistically, and financially. More girls means less time to work, to create, and more time doing, “dates.” That means going to dinner, to parties, to movies, or events.
Would you like to date, or be in an OLTR with more than one woman? Without lying about it, or cheating? I bet you do, because you’re a man.
I’ll separate this into two scenarios. The Dating Phase, and the Open Long Term Relationship Phase (OLTR).
The Dating Phase.
Dating is post-sex. In my opinion, until sex there is no, “dating,” because you’re just friends. Maybe you’re friends that make out, or touch each other’s junk. After you bang, you’re dating, because the possibility for a long term relationship is there. I consider dating as, “screening” for possible long term relationships. And I don’t often discuss this until after we’ve slept together, or she brings it up.
And even after sex, she’s not my girlfriend. Until we’ve discussed it, and set up the relationship contract, we’re just friends with benefits. The contract is simply a verbal agreement about expectations, rules, and boundaries.
Until there’s a verbal agreement such as, “I won’t sleep with other women while I’m with you,” then I’m free to do as I please, and sleep with whomever I want. So is she. If any girl gets emotional, jealous, or controlling over this, then I just say, “Well, you’re not my girlfriend. We’re still dating.” It’s not my job to lock her down. It’s hers to lock me down.
Most of my girlfriends get who I am. I’m this guy who writes about seduction and pickup, who travels often to foreign countries, and helps men interact with beautiful women. Because of their own values (social conditioning), many women just aren’t secure being with a guy like that. But many are. And I admit, the temptation to cheat is great. But when I make a monogamous commitment, I keep it. I’ve never cheated on a girl. But that’s because I like dating sexually liberated, open minded women who don’t mind me sleeping around, and even understand why I need to.
Many women would rather share an attractive man, than not be with him at all.
The trick is to be attractive enough to her, in other words, to have enough game to keep her invested, and willing to share (or at least turn a blind eye). If you can’t approach, or attract enough new women into your life, you won’t have the actual dating abundance to pull this off.
I’ve spent a lot of time in South East Asia. In Vietnam and Thailand especially, I was shocked at how open prostitution and brothels were. I’d heard that many foreigners travelled there for cheap sex, but was surprised after speaking to locals that the prostitution mostly served them, not tourists.
As I explored the dating culture there, I was impressed that there’s less than a 20% divorce rate. Back in Canada, and most Western countries this hovers up over 60-70%. One Vietnamese guest house owner, who was himself married, told me this:
“In Vietnam we have our wife, and our girlfriend. The wife will allow it, as long as the neighbours don’t know. We can go to a massage parlour too (happy endings) and this is okay. It is not cheating, as long as nobody finds out. We all do this. It keep the man happy, which means the family is happy.”
If a husband is miserable because his wife won’t put out, what’s he to do? Get a divorce? Destroy his family? Or go find another lover and release his tension? Option two seems logical to me.
Why is it nobody bats an eye if a celebrity like Leo DiCaprio remains unmarried, and has a new girl on his arm every week? Because he’s famous. He’s obviously one of the chosen ones. Of course women flock to him en masse.
But you? You’re just a common guy. A pleb. It’s one girl for life for you. And if you find your attraction drops for your wife when she hits menopause, tough luck. Don’t look at those younger women, you sick pig. How dare you. Your nagging old wife is beautiful and you should be super excited to make passionate love to her every day, like you have been for the last thirty years. How dare you.
When women ask me about marriage and monogamy, I’m honest with them. I will never be capable of only sleeping with one woman for the rest of my life. It’s just not who I am. This doesn’t mean I can’t care for, and nurture a longer relationship. I might not even want to be with any other women. But there’s two options moving forward here. I can lie, and say, “I’ll never be with another woman,” and eventually cheat and destroy everything we’ve created. Or I can tell the truth; “If you’re with me, you have to be willing to share.”
When I decided to be honest with women, it wasn’t a tactic. It was the truth.
A few years ago, a pretty Iranian/Canadian girl who was a sex friend, and only twenty years old, decided she wanted to be my girlfriend. Knowing she was a bit of a party girl, and not to be trusted with monogamy anyway, I said, “Sure. Here’s the deal. I sleep with whomever I want, and you only sleep with me.” She scoffed at this. But a few weeks later she returned and agreed. “At least you know what you want,” she said. “That’s better than most guys.”
She didn’t have to agree to that contract. But she did.
In the last ten years I’ve had many open, short term relationships. And I never even have to set them up. The women do. At some point in our dating process, they say something like, “I just want you to know, I don’t mind if you sleep with other women as long as you spend the most time with me.” I’ll just nod my head.
It’s not that I’m completely against monogamy. But you’ll have to drag me kicking and screaming, metaphorically. I’d rather be single than trapped with a woman I’m not 110% sure I’ll never get bored with. I tend to date very beautiful, much younger women. At least ten to twenty years younger. Why? Because I can. I spent a decade learning how to pick them up. What I do get bored with are personalities. The vast majority of people, not just women, bore me intellectually.
The last girl I dated was twenty three, long legged, Russian, and beautiful. What did we talk about? Riverdale, her favourite show. We’d sit on my couch after sex and she’d spend thirty minutes scrolling through Instagram, watching dumb videos of makeup tutorials, or pranks. I’d ask her if she’d read any good books, or what she thought about certain philosophical concepts, and she’d just say, “I don’t think about weird stuff.” So I quickly got very, very bored. Sure I liked fucking her, but if I just wanted a warm body, I’d pay an escort.
Only one girl in the last decade has convinced me to be monogamous. In the end, her jealousy caused us to break up. That’s why I know screen out very jealous women, by telling them the truth.
It’s your job to seduce the girl. It’s her job to keep you.
If you seduce them with game, money, looks or status, it’s still your job. If you’re a famous movie star and hundreds of beautiful women a day fight for your attention—you’re still the seducer, and it’s their job to keep you interested.
Don’t ask, don’t tell
I honestly don’t mind if a girl I’m banging sleeps with other men. I always use protection, and hope she does to. It’s part of my open door policy. If she wants to leave, the door is always open. She can come, she can go. No drama, no jealousy, no judgement. But if she wants me exclusively, there’s no, “Open Relationship.” The deal is this: I sleep with whoever I want. You sleep with only me.”
I don’t care. That’s what I ask for. If she’s not down, well, sorry. Someone else will be. And honestly if she cheated on me, I doubt I’d be very mad. Tony fifteen years ago would be devastated. Tony of now would just ask, “Why did you need to do that?” And I’d honestly try to understand, because it would likely be my fault she did. I just don’t get jealous like I used to. It’s silly, and pointless.
If she’s bisexual, she can share girls with me. I’d prefer that. But I’ve found most women if they like me enough, just say, “Okay,” to sharing. Many have even offered me threesomes with their friends. Or if they don’t agree to being open, and if the girl has enough game to get me to commit to monogamy, then she’s a very special lady.
So maybe you’re thinking, “That’s why you’ve been single for 7 years Tony! No girl is going to agree to that!”
Nope. Actually I’ve been doing exactly what I want to do. Dating multiple women, writing books, and travelling the world.
One of my best friends is in an open relationship. They have two children, and they’re happy enough. Early on in the relationship, they set up an agreement: they could both still date other people, as long as they both came home every night. No sleep overs, and not too much intimacy other than sex. My friend gets the best of both worlds: a happy, loving family, and freedom to chase other women. And he’s honest with them too.
This sort of lifestyle might seem impossible to those not in the secret society. But I tell you it’s more than possible, it’s natural. You don’t need to be Genghis Khan with a harem, or Frank Sinatra. You can just be a man who has game, abundance mentality, and the skill to approach and attract beautiful women. If you have high enough value, many women would rather share you, then not have you at all.
Of course many will say, “screw that deal,” and walk. It sucks to lose women you enjoy being with. But it’s fair game. If they can tie you up into monogamy, then applaud them.
Maybe some girl will be so damn amazing I’ll give up my badboy lifestyle forever, pump her full of kids, and buy a house in the burbs.
But for now, I’ll continue to date multiple women at a time. Because I can.
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