Sex: How To Not Suck at Sex (For Men)

A man and women half naked in bed kissing

This is part 1 of a sex guide to help all the men who suck at sex. So if you want to be better at pleasuring your woman then keep reading.

Sex is a Skill

Mmmm, sex is awesome!

You can seduce all the women you want, but if you can’t make her come (at least sometimes), then that’s that.

One day you may wake up to find your bed empty.

Great Sex Takes Practice

A woman naked laying on top of a man, both in underwear

Most women will only tolerate mediocrity in bed if you’re a great provider. It’s much better to be a great lover, trust me.

If you want loyal, happy women; learn how to screw like a champ. Because if she doesn’t get it from you, there are plenty of capable lovers at the gym, a bar, the workplace, or anywhere else randy men are found.

The great news is any man can learn to be great in the sack. It’s just another skill, like fly fishing, skateboarding, or archery. Practice makes perfect.

Myths about Sex

There are some very common myths amongst men about sex. Some of them are:

  • You need a huge penis
  • You need a lot of positions
  • You need to hammer her really hard
  • Women don’t like sex
  • Good sex must last a long time

Don’t believe the hype. Let’s look at some of these sex myths.

You need a huge penis

A banana with a condom on it

If you have a small cock it does not mean you will be a bad lover.

While this guide doesn’t cover all of the sexual techniques for smaller dicked guys, I may write this in the future. J

Just trust me, you can still bang her better than most guys just by following the advice in this guide.

Hammering her

Many guys (esp 16-21) think sex is all about hammering away, hard as you can, holding out until the very last second until she blows, just like in the pornos! 

Porno is not real life.

Too many positions

Or you are well versed in dozens of positions—you’ve memorized the Kama Sutra and believe variation alone will rock her world. Unfortunately life is not like porn (which is made by men.) A dozen positions an hour will not make her squirt.

Women don’t like sex

A woman isn’t wired like a man—and no two are equal. Every girl has her own program, her own sexual code. Her attraction triggers run deeper than ours, and on many subconscious levels.

I would even say, women like sex even more than men. The clitoris has over 8000 nerve endings, where the penis only had 4000 – 6000. This doesn’t include all of the nerve endings inside her vagina, including the G-Spot.

If you need anecdotal evidence, just listen to the noise she makes when she’s getting banged. Every hear a man making noises like that? Exactly.

Proper Sex Technique for Men

Note that this is a beginner guide.

I’m sure you know how a vagina works on an instinctual level. So I’ll share a few secrets your daddy might not have told you.

Intimacy is Sexy

A naked couple holding each other in a bed

It’s not only the feeling of your cock moving in and out of her, rubbing against her clitoris that excites her; it’s the feeling of being close to you. Not only close, but having you literally inside her. She will never be this vulnerable again.

Sex brings up all kinds of emotions for her:

  • Excitement
  • Anticipation
  • Desire
  • Mystery
  • Romance
  • Anxiousness
  • and even fear

When you’re screwing her silly, take a moment to put your forehead on hers, and stare directly into her eyes.

This overwhelming feeling of intimacy might just make her pop into a powerful orgasm.

Know that the sex doesn’t have to be hard and fast the entire time. Take it slow as well, like the quiet section in a great song.

Appreciate her femininity, her beauty, and make her feel worshipped before going back to hammering her like Thor’s Hammer on the rainbow bridge.

She Comes First

I have a good rule of thumb: She comes first.

Because for most men, once they come, they’re done. And I don’t like sleeping beside a frustrated and horny woman. They send you psychic death rays in your sleep.

I believe every woman is capable of orgasm. However, every woman’s biology, and psychology are unique. And there are many women who have never, and will never have an orgasm in their life. It’s sad but true.

It is your responsibility to find out what her unique sexual triggers are, whether they’re physical, intellectual or emotional, and give her an orgasm, at least most of the time.

Some Women Are Sexual Puzzles

A woman as a puzzle. A mystical painting of her holding a rubiks cube

Some studies say 10% of women have never had an orgasm.

There are also different types of orgasm. There are:

  • Clitoral
  • Vaginal
  • and g-spot orgasms

These orgasms and all of their intricacies are beyond the scope of this article. I’ll be writing some advanced sexual techniques in the future.

But if your girl cannot orgasms through penetration, oral, or your fingers, then I suggest you ask her to masturbate herself, while you help her get comfortable.

If You Come Before Her

If she can come but takes a long time, coming before her once in awhile is okay. But if you choose for a quick pump and blow, make sure it is:

a. Your choice. Because you’re the man and don’t give a f&*$

Or…

b. An accident… oops.

One is a decision… like, “You don’t get to come today girl!” The other is like, “Baby, you are so sexy I couldn’t help it.” But don’t make a habit out of either. The general rule should always be…she comes first.

The Art of Good Sex (For Men)

A beautiful blonde woman in her underwear looking at the camera holding eye contact

Follow these tips and you will no longer suck at sex. In fact, you will be better at sex than 99% of men.

1. Communication

Instead of blindly jabbing around, ask your girl what she likes.

Some girls are shy about such matters. So you may need to coax it out of her.

Say something like: “Hey baby, let me know what you like. How is this? Is this better? Softer? Harder? Tell me, I like to hear what you like.”

Seriously, communication in the bedroom is so critical. I mean, if it’s just some chick you drunkenly picked up at a dive bar…whatever. But if you’re going to tap that woman on the regular, get used to talking about sex.

Communicating makes things so much easier. Just ask away. She may be dying to tell you all of her sexual fantasies, but she’s worried you will judge her.

Be non-judgemental, promote communication and she’ll open up to you.

2. Foreplay

Kissing, cuddling, sucking, licking, massaging, tickling… the more foreplay, the merrier.

Ask any woman what she prefers, the foreplay or the sex, and many will say foreplay. So don’t rush it.

Some women are self conscious and may need reassurance. Every girl has her own idea about what’s proper, based on her social conditioning and self consciousness.

Let her know she’s hot stuff and you love the way she looks.

It can be very tempting to makeout for a few minutes then get straight to pumping. But take your time to build lots of sexual tension.

Explore her body, kiss her feet, her ankles, massage her thighs, lick the nape of her neck, kiss her pussy, whisper naughty things in her ear.

Get her to the point where she’s begging for your cock. Then make her beg again.

Fifteen minutes is the minimum amount of time you should invest in foreplay. I have a friend who spends one to two hours on it with his wife.

Of course, don’t be too predictable. Once in awhile it’s okay to grab her from behind and have your way while she’s making a sandwich.

3. Dominance

Fifty Shades of Grey sold millions of copies for a reason.

There are two types of dominance:

  1. Physical dominance
  2. Verbal dominance

All women respond sexually to dominance. It may be as simple as an ass slap, a hair pull, or a light bite. It may be a command like, “Turn that sexy ass over and call me daddy,” or it may be light bondage.

Just whatever you do… don’t be overly polite in bed. Nothing turns a girl off more than a guy asking, “Please give me head?”

Just say it. Just flip her over, pull her hair a little at the base of her neck. It will be ok. If she doesn’t like it, she’ll tell you.

Listen to her encouraging moans, or lack of them, for guidance. Or just ask her, “Do you like it when I say/do this?”

You need leadership abilities to attract women, and you need to lead in the bedroom as well. Many women find dominance incredibly attractive.

That doesn’t mean being a jerk, ordering her around all the time. Just take charge of things in the bedroom. Be decisive! Be dominant! In a loving way.

4. Excite Her Mind

Women get off with their imaginations, possibly even more than their bodies.

Don’t believe me? Read, “My Secret Garden.” It chronicles the sexual fantasies of hundreds of women. Many fantasies involve being dominated by multiple men, slave/master relationships, and other extremely taboo, bizarre, situations.

How do you excite her mind?

Use your voice. Talk to her, tell her stories, tell her what you’re going to do to her, how you feel about her.

Say things like: “Baby, your pussy feels so tight, I love the way it squeezes my hard dick.”

Most women go absolutely bonkers for this sort of dirty talk, especially when you mix it with loving, sweet language, “Your skin is so soft, you’re so beautiful, I am so close to coming, I love you. I love feeling your tight pussy on my hard cock.”

So how do you know if she likes this? She will probably moan louder, or talk back, “Oh your dick feels sooo good inside of me!”

I’ve been with many women who could not orgasm unless I spoke to them, and the dirtier the better!

5. Role-Playing and Fantasy

I once had a girl that pretended to be a princess, and I was her dark knight. I’d kidnapped and was ravishing her under a waterfall while guards searched for us.

She told me it was the best sex she ever had and encouraged these fantasies. It was great, but creatively exhausting.

Women aren’t as visually stimulated (sexually) as men. Their imagination is also a powerful errogenous zone.

Just because you are inside her, doesn’t mean she’s with you. That dick might belong to Barack Obama, a dragon, or her college football team. It’s her business. Be cool with that. Even better, encourage her fantasies.

6. Variety (or lack of)

Many men believe sexual skill means trying out fifteen different positions in fifteen minutes. This can be fun sometimes, but can also destroy the intimate, emotional connection

Well, you only need two or three in any session, however, over the long term, it helps to be a little spontaneous.

Add a new maneuver every few sessions.

The next day try something slightly different.

One day be more aggressive, the next, more loving and tender, or mix the two.

Go from missionary to reverse cowboy.

The next time do a quicky doggy style, the next an hour long foreplay marathon. Mix it all up.

The same with your verbals. Go from loving, tender talk, to aggressive dirty talk, to fantasy. Don’t get stuck with the eternal phrase, “Do you like that?” Yes…she likes it. Move on, try saying something now.

Have sex in different locations. Try the kitchen, the laundry room, the couch, a log on the beach. You don’t need to change locations every time, just try something different at every opportunity.

7. Clitoral, Vaginal, G-Spot

Don’t jab down, lick, or poke the clit too hard. It is very, very sensitive.

Make sure you listen to her voice. If she’s too quiet, encourage her to be vocal. Ask her what sort of pressure she likes.

If you use your tongue, try going up, down, left right. Draw little hearts.

Make sure your fingers aren’t dry when you touch her clit. Use your saliva, lube, or her vaginal juices. You don’t want to rub the poor girl raw.

While you bang her, you could also stimulate her clit with your finger, but it’s tough to pull off. Or encourage her to rub herself while you penetrate her. That combo is like a pipe bomb for some women.

Again, communicate. Encourage her to tell you what she likes. Make it fun. Even funny.

G-Spot

Not all girls respond to G-Spot stimulation. As a vague rule, the G-Spot is inside, up, and to the right.

If you curl your fingers in a “come hither” motion with solid pressure on the upper vaginal corridor… you should get a pleasant result.

If that doesn’t work, try pounding it with a jackhammer motion.

If that doesn’t work, ask her if she ever comes from G-Spot stimulation. If she doesn’t know, start searching. Some girls just won’t get off this way.

8. Anal Sex

Some chicks love the anal sex, as penetration there points straight to the G-Spot. It’s a way for a girl to feel very owned by her man.

However, not all women are down. Your best bet is to play around down there and gauge her vocals. Do some finger play and If she gives you a “wtf?” look, then take a step back.

Or just ask her if she’s tried it, if she liked it, and if she wants to try with you.

If you pull this off… write a song about it. You are a heroic man.

9. Don’t Ignore the rest of her body.

A woman’s body is a temple to be worshipped. Do so with style. I love pretty feet, smooth calves, curvy hips, and the lower lip. Explore her! Don’t just squeeze her TnA until she’s numb.

And don’t just smash away inside her. All the area around her pubic bone is erogenous. Make sure you caress her inner thighs—but try not to tickle her too much. You could get hurt.

Summary

Becoming masterful in the bedroom isn’t a great feat of engineering. Realize, some women are puzzles. If a girl reacts oddly, or has strange emotional outbursts or extreme sexual hesitations… she may have issues. Not your fault.

Sex is fun… even funny. I find fucking to be hilarious. All the noises and the mess. And no…you don’t need a massive dick. I have an average dick (although quite stunning and handsome) and I do better than fine.

Don’t just use your pecker and the hammer smash. The hammer smash is great, and girls love being pounded on.

Good sex is (but not limited to):

  • Intimacy
  • She come first
  • Communication
  • Foreplay
  • dominance
  • Exciting her mind
  • Role-play and Fantasy
  • Variety
  • Understanding her pussy parts (G-Spot, Clit)

Some women will connect with you, and some won’t. That’s the truth. But if you follow these basic guidelines and you’ll be a league above the competition.

Play Safe

And unless you get tested, always wear a rubber.

HIV, Herpes, and on and on….It’s really not worth it. If you don’t have a rubber, Just get a hand job, or do something else.

Watch out for those girls that try to chuck you in them unprotected. It’s in their genetic code to get at your seed. But it should be your responsibility to have protection, not theirs.

This isn’t like, my ultimate sex method or anything, just something to help you be much better than the average guy.

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13 Comments

  1. I think most North American men are especially at a disadvantage in becoming good lovers due to the fact that most among this group don’t even know how a normal dick is supposed to work in the pleasuring of both partners (they’re missing half their penile shaft skin with attendant bio-mechanical impairment, among other crucial anatomical structures for erogenous pleasure) , and a lot of the “destination-oriented” jack-hammering (fact) and coming too soon (strongly suspect this) is due to that.

    Men should be up in arms that this was done to them, (which does NOT include telling their fellow men to “just get over it and move on”), but sadly are generally complacent pussies regarding our culture’s anti-male bias so it continues to be an elephant in the room- which is why I think it’s appropriate to bring it up in this context.

    Regular reader here. Love the blog

  2. You know Bohemian…I never considered circumcision in relation to premature ejaculation. Interesting. I always blamed my own “oopsie” on being “Excited.” That usually comes from spending 2 to 12 hours “Getting to know” a girl, which means dancing, drinking, talking, kissing, cuddling…etc. All the while you are hard as diamond and dying for release.

    And then you get it in there and Bam! So embarassing? Yeah…

    But women don’t get male physiology. By the time you’ve banged them 47 times you are able to last an hour…with a condom…2.

  3. If anything you’d be less sensitive if you were circumcised given that the tip is exposed, rubbed and dry the majority of the time. And I wouldn’t go as far as to call men of North America pussies simply because they allow circumcision to occur; I’d argue its a lack of education on the matter that allows it to continue. And as Tony has pointed out, pleasuring a women is far more than just using your cock. Great article Tony. 😀

  4. so i tried the g-spot thing.. and my girlfriend kicked me off her bed and broke a cup in the process…

      1. First time i did the G-spot thing the girl was screaming like crazy even neighbor asked me later what was going on there:) ? and she was holding so tight on my fingers that i felt like i will not be able to get my fingers out, but you really must move so freaking fast and make sure you cut nails really good but it was all about her screaming and being so tight but i didn’t sense the juices much on my fingers, maybe the 6 cocktails we each had was the reason 😀

  5. Also, if you’ve recently cut your fingernails, make sure the edges are smooth before you go jackhammering with the fingers. One girl called me ‘magic fingers’ while another got some lacerating inside her thanks to my inattention and overexuberance. Don’t make the same mistake I did. On the other hand, it’s always different isn’t it!

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