- They try to hard to sound smart
- They use observations instead of insights
- They are all pull and no push
You’re too smart.
About 90% of my clients are engineers. Their brains are attuned to logic. They rarely read fiction, or watch movies, or tv series. Everything must be a-z, logic, logic, logic. Then of course, they stuff their heads with game theory and try to logic their way into a woman’s pants.
Women aren’t seduced by logic as much as by emotion. Give them a fun time, make them laugh, teach them things, and they’ll fall into your arms.
I have a game for these guys called “Dumb and Dumber” (DnD).
If you haven’t seen the movie starring Jim Carrey, watch it. One of the easiest ways to be funnier is to pretend to be dumb, to misinterpret the obvious. Check out this scene below. If you’ve never watched the movie, watch it. Watch as much comedy as you can.
She’s studying business? Does she know Donald Trump?
She’s travelling to Japan? Is she in the Yakuza?
She’s in fashion? Does she design for Walmart?
Observations are boring. Insights are intriguing.
For the women reading, how many times have you heard a bland observational opener like, “I like your shoes,” or, “You look interesting,” or, “You’re a student? Ohhh, that’s sooo cool. Awesome!”
Why dammit? why do you like her shoes? Why does she look interesting? Why is it cool she’s studying sociology?
Writers have a term called “Rich Descriptions.” We don’t say “It was raining out.” We describe the situation with our senses. We add vividness. “She stepped barefoot from her front door, feeling the mud between her toes, the warm pat, pat of rain drops on her face.”
What’s better? “You look interesting?” or, “You walk like you have a purpose. Were you ever in the military?”
What’s better? “I like your shoes,” or, “I noticed you’re wearing red shoes. You also have red nail polish. Do you plan out everything in your life, or just your daily colours?” (Insight)
What’s better? “You’re studying Sociology? Oh cool!” or, “What drives you to understand human nature? Are you planning to attend Hogwarts?” (DnD).
The key to opening is to make a good first impression. Game is an art. There’s no one way, but you want to be original, engaging, and entertaining.
All push, no pull
Most untrained guys’ conversations go like this:
“Not much.” (None of your business)
“Where are you from?”
“Oh awesome. I want to go there. (Why?)
“It’s a cool city.”
“I hear it is.” (What did you hear?)
“What do you do?”
“I work at Zara.”
“Oh, nice. Do you like it?” (Snore.)
“It’s okay I guess for now.”
“What are you doing today?”
“Actually…I have to go.”
“What’s your number?”
“I have a boyfriend.”
Compare that to this
“The way you walk in that blue dress, you seem like a yoga guru, or a CEO of a mega-corporation.”
“Your chin is up, your posture is excellent.”
“Thank you. I do yoga actually.”
“Have you meditated with the monks in Tibet?” (DnD)
“Haha, no, not yet. But I plan to go to India one day.”
“Okay lets go” (Roleplay)
“Haha, sure, let’s go.”
“But don’t screw it up. I don’t want to fight over whether we have curry beef or quinoa salad for lunch. And I get the left side of the bed…always! (Push)
“No way. I always get the left side.”
“We will see.”
Of course the above example is fiction, but that’s usually what a good flirt sounds like. It’s a dance. It’s a challenge. As a man, you approached her, but you’re not easy. You want to figure her out. Is she fun? Is she uptight or chill? Does she have anything in common with you? Don’t just be a dick on a platter; an eager, boring man.
Practice, practice, practice.
***to potential clients. Even though I plan to travel this winter, my company is still coaching. I have coaches that work for me. So if you’re considering infield coaching this winter, do not hesitate to contact me for a free Skype consultation. I am also open to travel to any city, any time of the year. And I’m still in Vancouver until December.