Check out this conversation I had online with a frustrated young man.
I’ve highlighted every instance of negative self-image, victim-mentality, and self pity.
Just watch this guy lie and bullshit himself through this conversation. Blaming everything, except his own mindset for his troubles attracting a mate.
If you want to learn success with women, start by eliminating all negative, language from your dichotomy.
Your words define your beliefs. Your beliefs define your identity, and how others perceive you.
Women are attracted to confidence, not sorrow and self-pity.
Is it any wonder this guy is having difficulty attracting women? He reeks of low self-esteem.
Don’t be this guy. Change your language to change your thoughts, and change your life.
I’ve named him Black Tall.
BT: I’ve basically reached the conclusion that for a 6’4″ average looking black dude, online dating and tinder probably isn’t my best avenue for finding dates. Being a 23 yo uni grad and working a 9-5 Downtown, I’m not in the position like in school where I was surrounded by beautiful women my age 24/7. Nowadays out in public I see these types of chicks but I really don’t understand how y’all do it. 80% of girls I see have earphones in. They give me NO IOIs whatsoever (which makes me think I’m ugly) – no eye contact, no smiles, nothing. Just pure coldness. Is it even worth it approaching random women if this is the vibe they throw out?
TD: You don’t need ioi’s. What you need is game. Grow a pair, approach the girl and introduce yourself with a smile. There are literally a thousand hours of infield daygame footage on Youtube. Check out Madison from RSD or Justin Wayne.
BT: Yee I know- sometimes I just get the vibe from women that I’m not good looking enough to do that. Don’t even know how to open – if I just directly open with a compliment it may seem creepy. This isn’t only about the street – I see girls in book stores and mall stores Id love to chat with but just can’t bring myself to do it.
TD: You CAN.
BT: I’m trying but Im such a prisoner to my emotions and thoughts.
TD: Well a good start is to look at your current belief system and internal dialogue. Affirmations perhaps. “I am good enough. Women are attracted to me. Women want to meet me. I am confident. I have game.”
Second step, approach women. You say you don’t know how. You’re like the only child who in a tantrum smears feces on the wall, and says “Wasn’t me Mommy.”
You know how — just aren’t.
When frustrated clients ask “how do I approach a girl?” I say:
- Move your left leg, then your right.
- Force air through your lungs.
- Form vowels and consonants.
I was in the same boat as you at one point. I’ve seen hundreds of men go through the same process. You are not different, or special. If they can do it, so can you.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself! Go to the mall, approach the first pretty girl you see and say “I just saw you and thought you were cute. I’m So and so.” Or at least ask for directions. Just do something.
The momentum will carry you .
It’s that easy.
If you can’t find your manhood, the guts to even do that, then save a couple grand and hire a dating coach. A good one.
You CAN. You just AREN’T.
BT: Hahah exactly. This is EXACTLY the kinda thing I wanna do on my lunch breaks. I don’t know what it is – it’s mostly just the belief that most girls my age are extremely ‘cold’, especially if you’re some average looking dude she doesn’t know.
TD: I’m an average looking guy. I can do it. So can you.
Also I’m 39 and still dating women in their twenties and early thirties. So ….
BT: btw watched your vid…you’re damn smooth.
TD: Thanks. I’ve been at it for over ten years.
BT: Wowww. Ive approached 2 girls on the street before (like 3 years apart) and all I said was “how do you feel about compliments from strangers?”….”well i wanted to say you’re cute”. Thats it. Im gonna just try go direct, but my problems are: 1. I tend to wait for the PERFECT opportunity. Like when its just me and a girl I see, with few people around (hard in downtown Toronto ofc) 2. waiting till I get invites to approach (which I never get).
TD: I come to Toronto often. You could save up for a bootcamp. My website is www.absoluteability.com.
Anyway, Eaton Centre is an amazing location for daygame.
This stuff takes years and hundreds or thousands of tries to get good at. It’s like learning a martial art. If you want to fix this irrational fear and date hot women, you need ALOT of experience. I mean, like trying at least once a day. More like ten a day. Then you’ll be okay in about a year
BT: Im def gonna start. My ego is just so fragile I guess (from years of being made to think that women find me repulsively ugly, and its still something I struggle with due to my strange obsession with online dating like tinder, which acts as a crutch cuz i dont have to get out of comfort zone to meet girls)
TD: No one “made” you to think this way. You did it to yourself. It’s your brain.
All you need are some positive reference experiences and off you go to the land of men with game. And delete Tinder. It will just fuck your self esteem. Do daygame.
BT: Yea man. I went to an all boys school from the ages of 8-17 so was clueless on how to interact with women come university. Now that im a 23 yo man i gotta figure this shit out. My self-image is just kinda wonky maybe. I could show u a pic and u can maybe give me improvement pointers? Id love to participate in a boot camp tho – have someone really guiding me. This is my NO.1 Goal. Getting started has been the challenge.
TD: Make sure your grooming is good. No nose hair, ear hair, unibrow, neck beard. Go to Zara and but a new outfit. Done.
BT: haha may go to american eagle and buy a pair of jeans. I get biweekly shapeups at my A-level barber so Im definitely someone who watches his hygiene. No nose or ear hair, no unibrows. Im just lanky with a slight receding hairline and weak chin.
TD: American Eagle has ugly clothes imo. Go to Zara, or Guess, or Simons.
BT: Only suggested because Ive been going to Zara the past couple months so was gonna switch up haha – thx for recommendations.
TD: Dude, you are 6″4″. This is the equivalent of having huge tits if you were a girl.
Fix what you can change, ignore what you can’t. Women are attracted to confidence, humor…game. Looks help but game wasn’t designed for good looking men. It was made for average guys to have an advantage. This is all success with women 101 man. Where have you been?
If you want infield coaching, the price is between $1200 and $5k. Depending on if you work with me or my Toronto coach Jason. The info is on my website.
DT: Haha Ive been here a couple years – in fact Ive read Models THREE TIMES. Just have trouble putting it into action cuz of all my beliefs. If my height is such an advantage I don’t feel it – judging by how women react to me vs. other dudes, but I trust you.
Thats completely fair. Id pay for a Toronto session once I’ve saved up a bit. working a 9-5 office job post-uni right now, and its just hard to meet women here haha.
TD: Women aren’t reacting to you because you aren’t approaching them. You’re looking for ioi’s (Indicators of interest) which is totally pointless. I don’t get them either. I just see a hot girl and go.
Do you watch RSD Tyler? Go back and watch all of his vids. Your inner game sucks and you lack a basic understanding of fundamentals. If you say you watched all this stuff, why do you talk like such a bitch? No offense. But if you were on bootcamp with me talking like this I’d slap you.
Models is a decent book with no practical advice. Go watch the Mystery Method for a start. Then watch all of RSD’s products. Watch simple pickup, Valentino Kohen, daygame.com, etc, etc. And actually listen to them, absorb, and practice. Then you’ll be fine. Enough advice for you. Go talk to women. Good luck.
BT: lol all boys education does this to you bro XD – anyways im gonna go on lunch break, buy a nice pair of jeans at AE, and maybe do an approach cuz you’re giving me lots of inspo right now 🙂
An hour later…
BT: I tried but once again failed. Oh well bought a nice pair of jeans at AE and got some anti-frizz hair curler (appearance stuff). I got desperate towards the end of my lunch break and approached an older blonde woman and didn’t get past ‘excuse me’ – she literally ignored me and kept on walking. Im fuckin invisible to women and I don’t understand why.
TD: It’s not a fail if you get experience. On bootcamps you try, and try and try, twenty times in one day. And if you don’t get a number, you try twenty times the next day, and the next. I’ve never in ten years had one student that didn’t get a number or four or five. Never. So your whining is falling on deaf ears.
If you message me, it must be positive. “I tried but the set didn’t hook. I need to work on my eye contact and vocal projection.” Not “I don’t understand why, I’m invisible.” That’s LOSER talk. That’s beta male talk. Are you a beta male? If you’re saying yes, then you’re hopeless. Anyway, I hope you keep practicing. I can’t give any more free advice. You can hire me for phone coaching if you wish, or contact me in the future for a bootcamp. Best of luck.
BT: I know- sometimes I just get the vibe from women that I’m not good looking enough to do that. Don’t even know how to open – if I just directly open with a compliment it may seem creepy. This isn’t only about the street – I see girls in book stores and mall stores Id love to chat with but just can’t bring myself to do it.
At this point I ended the conversation. I’m not a therapist. I often refuse to coach clients like this, because it’s just too frustrating. Most of the guys I hire have a very positive opinion of themselves. But sometimes I’ll take on hard cases like this guy.
He knows what to do. He knows how he should think (Hint: Not like this.) The question is, will he change his thoughts, or follow them down the dark path of loneliness and self-pity?
I hope he takes the bright path.