Asian Girls are The Most Awkward
On day one of my Vancouver bootcamp, I ask the students, “Do you like Asian girls?” If they say they do, I congratulate them. If they don’t, I say “that’s fine, but you’re missing out.”
Of all the women I’ve ever approached or had my students approach, Asian (Chinese, Japanese, Korean) in Canada are the most awkward, socially uncalibrated, shy and rude. Of course, they aren’t like this if they know you. I’m just talking about girls you might introduce yourself to on the street, or at a bar.
Now before you scream that I’m racist and misogynistic, realize I’m not speaking in absolutes. I’m only speaking from six years of personal experience. I’ve approached and spoken thousands of women of all shades, and Asian girls in N.America are the oddest of creatures.
It’s not always the case with women who grew up in N.America. But from what I’ve heard, in China you are taught to be seen not heard, never show public displays of affection, avoid eye contact, and be quiet. To these girls, a loud, confident male approaching them in a bookstore can be intimidating.
I remember once I saw a cute Asian girl at a stop light. I said, “Hi. You look cute. My name is…” and before I could finish she was running, with her hand covering her face, at full sprint down the street and around the corner. It was rather absurd. But after spending many months in Asia, I remembered the aggressiveness of street hawkers and scam artists. Maybe that had something to do with it. Maybe it’s her insecurity due to the language barrier. Who knows.
Asian girls can be awkward. Who are the warmest and most approachable?
So who are the warmest, most approachable girls? In my experience, Latin girls: Mexicans, Brazilians, Columbians, etc. Maybe it’s different in America, but here in Canada, these girls are very receptive to chatting up strange men. It’s no big deal for them. They also make great girlfriends. They’re very feminine and dress well.
I’m assuming that cultural upbringing has everything to do with a girl’s approachability. And honestly I’m not thinking this through at a deep level. Just tellin it like it is up here in Vancouver.
I have friends that exclusively date Asian girls. They swear by them. So maybe they do make good girlfriends. But based off my experience and how strange most of them act towards me, I won’t usually bother approaching them. I’ve been conditioned that they will reject me before I get three words out.
It’s just sort of sad. I know many of my students would love to date Asian girls, but they are usually too closed off and awkward and afraid to give them a shot. Their loss.
Oh, Indian, Phillipino, and other “Asian” girls don’t have this issue. It’s pretty much exclusive to Chinese, Japanese and some Koreans.
Girls. Take a class on confidence. Do toast masters. Socialize with foreigners. It will be ok.
So if you have experience picking up Asian Girls in N. America, let us know. And if you want to read about all the women I’ve seduced in graphic detail, check out my best-selling novel.
Roosh I have to totally agree with this post. Asian girls are almost always the hardest ones to speak to and trying to start a conversation feels like pulling teeth when speaking to them. Great post as always. I truly respect and appreciate the amount of work that you put in.
Thanks. But I’m not Roosh. But thanks.
Maybe it is just that Asian girls go more for the nerdy types? I’ve never had a problem getting Japanese/Chinese/Korean girls to converse and give all kinds of IOI’s. My big roadblock is with blonde dutch girls, taking them from IOI to close. Eastern European blondes can be good looking, but they don’t interest me.
How about black girls?
Black girls are usually very social and receptive, fun and outgoing.
Good to know. Thx.
Hi Tony, like what’s up w those Asian girls ? Even the ones born here are the same. Perhaps don’t run away but at the least walk away quickly . It ‘s got to be a culture thing, what they’ve been taught at a young age . Isn’t it?
Or could it be : “Never the twain shall meet, East & West travel different roads”. Would make it a genetic thing wouldn’t it? I’ve noticed they like nerds. Yeeea some one tell me what’s the secret w the Asian girls. Any nerds out there? Thanku
You pretty much answered your own question my friend!
The secret to why Asian girls like nerds is they value crazy things like intelligence, character, education and work ethic. Us nerds usually rank high in several of those categories.
Asians have a low divorce rate for a reason. Guys often make poor choices based on looks and pay the price for it later.
I saw this when I was doing research for my upcoming book ‘None of the Above’ about a software developer who runs for president.
I don’t think Asian girls are good at small talk. I’m married to a wonderful Chinese girl. We met online because we both had the same purpose in mind…..to find and marry someone compatible and wonderful.
It’s a cultural thing. From a male asian perspective, we’re learned to distrust people.
Especially the alpha types are the ones that should be distrusted the most as they are viewed as being a ‘player’ which is really bad in asian culture. Also, most of them are failures in their careers which is also bad
Interesting. It sounds to me like the “beta” types that don’t get laid are writing the rules. I think most true alpha male, player types will do fine no matter what. I doubt true alpha’s are failures in anything. It’s the same way fat girls become feminists and pretty girls remain feminine.
Reading this article made me laugh out loud and cringe at the same time because I can’t begin to tell you how many times the younger me has ignored/snobbed or simply said ‘errr no’ to guys when they have approached me randomly on the street. And I am of course an Asian girl in her mid thirties.
It shouldn’t be an excuse, and it may be different for all girls but the reason why boys got shut down before they even said a word to me was because I only liked Asian boys!
Growing up, the thought was embedded into our brains that we MUST marry an Asian boy (preferably from the same nationality) from a nice family, someone who can communicate with our grandparents, aunts, uncles etc etc. And I can say the same for my other Asian girlfriends.
But don’t let that discourage any of you boys from approaching Asian girls, times have changed, and a lot of opinions are changing about interracial dating.
The next time you see an Asian girl you want to approach, make some eye contact/smile. See how she reponds – if she smiles back, go say Hi. If her eye balls pop out of her head and she turns away faster than you can blink, chances are she only dates Asians.
*BTW I’m from Australia, so the experience may be totally different here as well.
That’s accurate with my experience.
In Japan, I had a lot easier time hooking up with girls who had already decided in their mind that they wanted to have a caucasian, or were at least wide open to trying one out. Of course, some of them could speak English as well, so it helped.
There are lots of girls who are equally turned off by the idea and are going to be somewhat racist. You just gotta roll with the punches there.
Maybe you shouldn’t tell them they’re cute as the first sentence.
Why not?
’cause it’s really weird when a guy who you don’t know suddenly says to you that you’re cute? Though it maybe flattering…
I agree mostly with your thoughts.
i find asian girls to be one of my favourite types of women but I have always found them unapproachable. I classify them as the hardest women in Vancouver to approach and are very closed off and will likely try to shut you down and embarrass you for approaching them. It is definitely a niche i would like to improve myself in.
Not always but i have seen a few times extremely flirty ones which simply just wana be a tease on guys and have no interest in following up on anything.
When i have met them through social circles i find asian’s to be friendly and nice and is by far the best method of getting asian girls, in my experience.Pity i dont have a large social circle here but i am working on it.
I have dated one Japanese girl here and had an amazing time with her and found her to be extremely loyal and kind hearted with my time with her. Pity her time in van came to an end or maybe i would b e dating her now, who knows.
I have thought since i came here that i could sincerely see myself in time dating/marrying an asian woman.
I am only speaking from my experiences.
I’ve also heard that many asian women make excellent and loyal girlfriends. Especially the ones who aren’t born in North America.
indians may not have the same issue but remember they stick to their on people more so than any other ethnic group. they ll talk but wont go out with you or give her contact sometimes to other indians
guess fillipiinos are the only option
yet why nobody sticking to me ..i am “all indian” guy :S
Asians from Asia generally don’t appreciate a bold approach and going direct off the bat. They’re not used to it. Once you know how to approach them, they can be pretty friendly and receptive.
Also, they generally don’t like black or brown dudes. If you’re tall, even remotely handsome, with fair features (blue eyes, blond hair, etc) it’s pretty much easy mode.
Just dont chase women in general, ther smell your needyness and right there your are doomed, ignore them that is what you have to do.
You are so right with that comment. I think for girls in general it’s your status that atters. Mostly to do with how secure they can feel with you in long term. Otherwise the best you will ever be is a ‘friend’. How cruel a word when you fancy the pants off her heh?
So true.
Asian girls make up only a small percentage of ladies I talk to, but they seem to make up most of my rejections. For example:
1. I was in still in college, and there was this Asian girl that was very good at the piano. As I went to compliment her, she said she had to leave, and I assumed that she had homework, etc.
But when I saw her in the rec room again, she immediately stopped playing and walked away. She was walking very fast, too, as if she was trying to get away from me.
2. There was an intern at my old job that worked in the same building as me. She wasn’t that hot, but my friends kept telling me that we could make great friends. I tried to make small talk with her, but her responses were always very curt. On the most recent time, she absolutely made no response. Even her friend, who is normally much more talkative, also gave me the silent treatment.
3. There was another Asian girl that I sometimes see on the bus. I tried to talk to her a few weeks ago as I noticed that she was also a fan of Zynga games (heh), but she was on her phone at that time. I saw her again later, but when I talked to her, she just kept looking at her phone (I’m pretty sure she was not in the middle of a call this time) and not saying a single word to me. It was very awkward to be keep talking her and not getting any response, so I bailed out.
They probably have a BF already, that’s why
I feel sorry for poor white dudes who are into Asian women. I don’t get them: Asian women are not hot (few exceptions) and are very very introvert, and most of them have a very negative energy. Why bother? I very rarely approach Asians or white Canadians.
Way to generalize. Looks like someone hasn’t had any success with them and is trying to find an excuse by blaming the women, not himself. Asian women are incredibly hot, as well as women from every other ethnic group in the world.
Why should I blame myself?
I’ve had success with others, so I must be doing something right.
But you do have a point. I was generalizing a bit.
And when comes to white girls, sometimes they hit on me but I turn them down (at least so far).
Your. Right. I’m Italian n American Indian. And. I like Asian woman. Dont. Go. After many but. When. I Get. The. Right one I make it work .
I’m actually an Asian girl, 15. That pretty much described me.. No lie. It also described my other Asian friends that are girls. I get complimented by people on how I look and the first thing I think of is hide or run. Of course I thank them, but I don’t know, getting a compliment seems so unnatural to me. For some reason, I don’t like getting compliments from strangers, it feels weird. Some guys tried to talk to me when I was at the mall and I was just all quiet and eating my food and made my friend speak to them, then I left to go “use” the bathroom, but really I just wanted to get away and wait till they have left our table. It’s not even because I was raised up in a certai way to do that, it’s just a natural thing to me. My parents never told me to do any of that or told me about the customs. It’s just a natural thing I guess?
I’m an Asian girl, 24. I agree with these sentiments, in general. I was born in China, but moved to Vancouver, BC when I was a toddler. I would certainly be what you consider a very, very “Westernized” Asian girl, but even I often find getting hit on in public a very awkward affair.
My advice for the guys out there, I’d say don’t take her reactions personally. It’s really a case of: “It’s not you, it’s her upbringing”. There have been a few times when men have complimented me in public, and my first instinct is to run. It isn’t until my Canadian side kicks in and I remember that this nice fellow is giving me a compliment, and that I shouldn’t simply assume the worst.
A good thing to keep in mind is that Asian girls are raised to be seen, and not heard. That stereotype about “submissive” Asian girls? Not necessarily true, but often true, yes, but perhaps submissive is not the wrong word. “Timid” is more accurate.
See an Asian girl you like? Take it slow, take it easy, take it casual. Do not under any circumstance start off with “I think you’re hot”. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with saying that. Sure, you mean the best. But her upbringing is such that she will immediately tense, and once she’s uncomfortable that conversation is over.
See her as a person, but also see the culture. She may react in ways that you consider to be negative, but it’s NOT meant that way. It’s conditioning, and she’s nervous. Which of us can honestly say that we are the best human beings we can be when we’re extremely nervous? Have patience!
I think that there is truth in what you say. I mean, some Asians or other people with links to Asia would probably start fuming and get angry when reading your post. Not that this, by itself, makes it untrue, but that is how I see people’s over-sensitive first reaction to this – they will think it is racist, whether it is or not.
I have lived in China for 10 years and have a Chinese wife.
I think the above post by Jass explains something, that in countries outside of China, the parents may be VERY over-sensitive and demand that their children marry within their own race only, because they are inherently very racist people (yes I see the irony of such a sweeping statement).
Let me tell you how I see it here – Chinese women are actually very, very open to conversation, friendship, dating and marriage with Western men. This is due to the stereotypes that they face when dating local men. (I mean that the local men they have to choose from do have some good guys, but also have the stereotype ‘non-romantic’ local man also).
So I think that if you were in China, you would see a very different picture. But abroad, they have been brain-washed to a certain extent.
From my own personal opinion, I think that your opening line is too cheesy. While other types of woman may see the joke-factor, it is too overt for Asian women. They may also have, in their mind, a higher concern over the ‘status’ of a potential partner (money). So they like to know the background of the guy they may date, which is also the fault of their parents.
If you got to know friends of friends, you would likely see a different reaction also. That said, if it is not your specific ‘type’, then it may be pointless anyway. Better to stick with women from the philippines perhaps 😛
Thanks for your insight. I’m actually travelling is SE Asia now and have a different opinion than when I wrote this article. But this was written at a time when I was having bad luck with Asian women.
Well Tony D, what do you think about girls from SE Asian now?
I don’t know. I don’t really talk to them much. They seem to like white skin and money. I mostly hang out with European tourist girls.
I live in SE Asia now, have been dating Asians on and off for 20 years and have many Asian friends. It’s really Chinese girls you will find who are the most awkward, but all Asian chicks except Indian and Filipina seem to struggle with a double dose of “shy n awkward”.
There are more hoops to jump through, but you do kind of develop a seperate way of dealing with Asian girls and it can work really well. They are skittish, so you have to be very slow and soft in the approach and multiple contact works well.
There are exceptions to the rule depending on how westernised they are.
They tend to like nice, sensible, posh, straight edged boys who wear sweaters on top of collared shirts and are working in finance… but they will make room for a gwei lo badboy if they think you can make them cum like a freight train and be discrete about it.
Anyways, my 2 cents… great blog, good post.
Thanks for your insight mate. I’ve still lots to learn about asian women.
Perhaps this has to do with it:
http://sphotos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/308072_610539428975514_37680026_n.jpg
I’m Asian Myself (living in Germany) and I can say that Not all asian Girls are like that.
I am a very outgoing Person and Not shy in any means.
But you’re right..all of the other Asian Girls are pretty shy- especially when it Comes to boys..
Just Wanted to let you Guys know that we’ re Not all the Same
😉
,,Not all the Same”?? But everybody is different ; )
Well I agree with your post, kinda. I’m Chinese and Cambodian, sometimes I’m shy when I talk to some people, but I love it when a guy comes up to me and talks to me. I know some of my cousins are shy and awkward and I don’t know what they’re parents teach them, but my parents are always like “When someone talks to you, engage in the conversation” or “Don’t be shy” or “Meet some new people, people will like you more if you’re more social”. I love being social and talking to new people, and I feel that I am outgoing and sometimes socially awkward. Did a girl really run away from you when you tried to talk to her? Idk if other Asians really do that, i guess my family is really weird and outgoing. Idk why, but I liked you post! 😀
Thanks for commenting. Socail anxiety is something that anyone can condition themselves away from. The world needs more smart girls like you.
I’m dating typical liberal chinese american right now that I met through online dating.
1. Black guys are just huge headaches for dealing with their families. She nearly got disowned for dating a blasian. After that she said she wouldn’t date black guys because of her family, even though she doesn’t care about the blackness herself.
2. They are seriously paranoid about white guys having yellow fever and find them extra creepy. They might of though you were yellow fevering on them with the entire cuteness line. She’s told me some stories about how she’s been hit on by guys by really obvious yellow fever, so it comes from experience, and even FOBs might learn about it pretty quickly.
3. They like the good job stable head angle more than your typical anglo.
I strongly disagree. You are extremely biased not to mention ignorant and imbecile. Anyone can be awkward and you know what? Race has nothing to do with being awkward and there’s nothing wrong with being awkward. Did you even stop to think twice before posting this? Fuck the media. Fuck you and fuck society. You obviously have “I’m racist” written all over you. On top of that, i could care less about what you think because your opinion is neither desired nor required and the only reason why im wasting my precious time to type this is because I am amusingly amazed at how unbelievably idiotic you are. FYI I’m Asian-American. Oh and the idea of Asians being well-known and acknowledged as the “model minority” sickens me. Also, the way that they portray Asian men and women is far beyond irrelevant and disturbing. FUCK the media once again. enough said.
Man you need To. Chill. You Know there Ass hole’s in This World. Be Proud of what You are . nobody. Perfect. Am Italian n American Indian And I’m proud. Don’t Get stress out. My Friend.
i am a Japanese girl who was born in Japan and living in Vancouver.
its so funny to read this post! becouse all of my Japanese friends who lived here said they wanted to have western boyfriend but never happened…!
probably those girls ignore and run away from you maybe its just becouse most of them have a thought that their English is not enough to have a conversation with random guys on a street. they need to be little bit prepared although they are hoping to talk to the local guys!
it is actually better to approach us when we are not alone…we have more confident when we are with our friends!!!
i had some western boyfriends when i was in japan and becouse of that i am totally ok to be approched on a street!
That’s really good to know. Western boyfriends can be fun, can’t they!?
Man, I think your best bet for getting them on the street is to speak their language. Chinese people that I talk to, male and female, love it when I speak the language to them or talk about Chinese culture. If you think a gal is Chinese on the street, you could try saying something like, “Dui bu chi, xiao jie. Wo xiang ni hen piaoliang!” Note it’s not straight from google translate but it basically says, “Excuse me, miss. I think you are very pretty!” Mine won’t be completely accurate as I only want to use the words I know, as opposed to dicking around with google translate but ymmv.
One time I just went up & asked for her name “Ni gwei xing?” I think, & she just unloaded Chinese on me as if I was fluent. I had a good laugh. And if they’re not Chinese, they may tell you their culture & you simply ask, “So how do you say you’re beautiful in your language?” & then try it. Usually cracks a smile.
I’m surprised nobody mentioned this in the Comments section. If it comes to self-improvement, it doesn’t hurt to rack your brain in a semester of Chinese. I did & aced it. However, there was never enough students to take the second, third or fourth courses at the local community college..(pussies). :-/
Also: hide your tattoos, ear-piercings, & don’t dye your hair strange colors. In Chinatown I see a bunch of Asian guys with tattoos nowadays but as we know, women have to think about how they are seen with a degenerate. They want somebody that their parents will approve of. Jeans & stylish clothing is just fine. Just don’t look like you’re ready to kill something…lol.
Respect for the culture is everything & may give you some approval points.
I get where Murray is coming from, but I would say that following his advice would be incredibly unwise as a generalized strategy. There’s something that feels presumptuous about shouting a Chinese phrase at an Asian girl walking down the street, before even saying hello or – god forbid – actually first finding out if she even speaks Chinese.
I’m an Asian girl, and it’s not just me. Many of my Asian female friends who have been in North America for a few years find this greeting incredibly, incredibly cheesy and offensive. Asian girls in North America have a very well-developed Yellow Fever radar, and will always err on the side of caution because too many of these guys often turn out to be quite creepy.
The only situation I could see this working is if you: (a) know for a fact that she speaks the language you’re about to butcher at her; and (b) she saw that you saw her speaking the language. In this kind of situation, throwing a Chinese phrase at her could certainly work. It may come across as at least a little cute. I can’t stress how important B is, because without this she could simply assume you’re yet another one of those creepy, presumptuous YF guys who see Asian girls as objects and classes, rather than human beings.
I agree with Elizabeth. Do NOT take the advice of Murray if you want an intelligent, attractive Asian girl. The ugly ones will go for anything white that reeks of yellow fever bc their own men don’t want them. The Asian ladies from the north are quality but hard; the ones in the Southeast, particularly Thailand and Philippines, are the sweet, low-hanging fruit because they are crazy for white guys. No game needed. Speaking the language is ok, but it blows up in your face when you get the ethnicity wrong AND when you can’t even identify if the girl is Asian but grew up in the West or in an Asian country. Korean girls find it super offensive if you think she’s Chinese, and westernized Asian girls with immigrant parents, if you guess she’s Chinese or try Murray’s trick and she’s not, you get some serious stinkeye. Most guys who haven’t been in Asian or around some Asian culture for a while shouldn’t try. However if you must, best clues that she’s from China/South Korea/Japan and not the US – she covers her mouth when she laughs, and she looks like she avoids the sun like a vampire. That’s a game-stopper (trust me from experience). Korean girls are taller (avg height is pushing that of an American woman) and put a lot of emphasis on maintaining their own looks and status of the guy. They’re used to more macho guys, as the culture is incredibly sexist and puts a lot of pressure on social norms. I dated a Korean girl, and her mother was 47 but looked like 30. They do not age because they are obsessive about weight and skincare/makeup. Sexy, but hard nuts to crack: amazing cooks though, if you get far enough for her to show her appreciation. Japanese girls (if she’s from Osaka, go go go! Tokyo, likely to be a snob) are fun and open, but you have to play up to their girly doll/kawaii/cute fetish. They are the most open to doing language tandems, if you absolutely have to go the language route. Chinese girls (except those from Shanghai — fuckin’ crazy bitches) are laid back chill and emotionally the most even-keeled, but I’ve found most to be dead dull who have a totally different sense of “clean”. Their places look as tacky as my grandma’s house and as dirty as my apartment during college. They’re not too much into makeup or looking nice, although they like shopping. No hobbies other than their cellphones and work/school, so conversation topics are very very difficult. Avoid coffee dates with them — just go out and show them something about the city bc they are huge tourists. In general, texting first helps bc the girls are usually self-conscious about their English. You have to make them feel good about that, and then they’re more receptive. As for Asian Americans…that’s a whole ‘nother story. Vietnamese girls are crazy and trashy.
Hey
Why are Chinese girls from Shanghai crazy bitches? 🙂
I’m just curious 🙂
OP,
Maybe they run away from you, because you’re ugly and/or undesirable, and don’t even know it?
Just asking….It is a possibility.
I am laughing hard at all the funny replies here. Okay here is my 2 cents: All if not all Asian women have White(and some Black and Latino)men fever(think “fetish”).
I know, it’s something they will never confess(because they don’t want to look like they’re betraying their own Asian men. Usually they just excuse it as “they like,or date whites, or they live where mostly White men live,or their majority of neighbors are white”,etc. Hollywood created this “white men obsession,though,so don’t blame the ladies.
White men(and also some Black and Latino)guys have a “yellow-fever” fetish(many will deny it!)
it’s just human nature we “want what we can’t hardly have” Let’s face exotic women for guys and higher social/powerful men for Asian women is an aphrodisiac. You might say a status symbol.
If not just check those YouTube videos of Asian girls saying “why they like white(or black men) And the obsession of white guys9and some Black guys) with Asian women,but almost exclusively: Japanese,Chinese,and Korea. Is that right or wrong,answer after you check those Youtube videos,though.
But they can have it…very easily. So how it is the forbidden fruit when it’s all over the place and isn’t very forbidden?
To be honest, Asian girls may be awkward, but they are easy provided that you’re not Black. If you’re tall, light, blonde/blue, then you’re pretty much on cheat mode in Asia 9not just with women, but all aspects of life).
If you’re Black and you have yellow fever like me, I feel sorry for you. do your best to avoid asians and other races that hate you, build for self, and separate.
Here in New York, the community of Chinese, Japanese and Korean Americans is extremely large. It all just depends on your perspective, how you’re interpreting things, and your overall style of game. A lot of it is influenced by culture. My experiences in NYC are not remotely anywhere near Tony’s original article.
I have a good friend who is white and exclusively dates East Asian women, he has a very low key, laid back style of day game, and it works amazing for him.
Tony, I like that you mentioned your perspective has changed since writing the article.
In order to really figure out how different girls respond with any kind of accuracy, one has to keep track of the numbers one is approaching.
For instance if a guy gets one date with a Chinese girl and 5 dates with white girls, he might be tempted to say “white girls are easier to approach.” But if he has approached 10 Chinese, and 100 white girls, we see he is actually getting a higher success rate from the former.
True, Black guys can have it worst in this Asian game. They seem to get gamed. Ever notice a group of people include a few asian chicks and a black guy or two in the mix. The chicks will play with and joke alot with the Black guys. Anybody watching might think the Black guys are having all the ladies. I have found out that girls in parties and goes for asian chicks as well will engage in silly playfulness. Black guys eagerly oblige. Black guys get really really confused how this does not translate to success bedding them. Over and over, the asian girl will end up with a White guy, if she wants to date out of race.
I heard from an asian girl that if you see a black guy with an asian girl. then he must be something special in college or work etc. Otherwise it is a major challenge to date a Black guy and be in anyways accepted in the Asian community
As an Asian woman in my early 20s, I would have to agree and disagree with the comments and blog post. Like many have pointed out, Asian woman are taught to date/marry their own race. Although many do want to venture out with men of other races. This would typically include Caucasian males only. Sorry guys, but it’s the truth.
Even though calling an Asian girl cute in the first meeting will seem the correct way to approach. It certainly isn’t in most cases to us. It’s creepy especially if I don’t know you. The most effective method to approach them is to meet them by a social circle. Go up to them when they are in a group. Ask them about their culture respectively. Don’t start pushing out Chinese or Japanese phrases just yet until you have conversed with them for a few minutes. We rather get to know you for a few minutes rather than going straight to the point like “You’re hot. You’re cute. Can I get your #? What’s your name?”
Being respectful and patience is the key to success when approaching Asian woman. Good luck!
I love Asian women and I have slept with many many of them, both in Canada and in Asia. I never have any trouble picking them up. 🙂
Send us a 700 word guest post. 😉
I’m in Toronto and agree totally on asian girls being awkward but I think this is mainly the foreign-born/immigrants.
The ones born here are the rudest girls you’ll meet also. They have such attitude. I think it might be due to massive insecurity and they wanting so badly to be accepted/validated by “white society”. They’ll never be as desirable here as the white blonde barbie and I think they lash out when someone they think is not hot/cool enough hits on them. They’ll never get the Ryan Gosling they think they deserve (watch the movie crazy stupid love, the asian girl in it sums this up).
I’m not really attracted to asian girls (now a cute girl a cute girl and I have dated 2 Japanese girls – they were both awkward) but the rudest reactions I’ve ever had were from north american asian girls and when I wasn’t even hitting on them. I was talking to their friend.
I don’t know how nerdy white guys would ever get laid if it weren’t for asian girls. They’ve probably prevented more school shooting and mass murders than they could fathom.
I completely agree. Asian girls in Canada are so fucking awkward and weird. There’s this weirdo asain girl in my class that keeps sending me these awkward vibes, and honestly i don’t even know or talk to the girl. I do come across as confident to most people so that might be the reason why. I also realized Asian girls seem to prefer the nerdy types.
The ones however born or raised in Canada tend to be extremely rude, egotistic, and suffer from an inferiority complex.
Let me first say, I am a candian-born Chinese who was raised by a traditional Chinese family. My parents immigrated to canada and I was born in Van. So just to put of out there, my super Asian parents are actually fine with me developing a relationship with men from other ethnicities. My parents may be Chinese, but they are very open minded in terms of dating and marriage. As to the above critism on our rudeness, it’s the culture. The most I can inform you about is how I was raised. The number one rule was always, run when a stranger say “hi” to you because it marks the DANGER FLAG. I know it’s quite hilarious but what can I say? They were only trying to protect me. Just to clarify, we have all been through the stage of our parents, teachers and principal informing us of the stranger danger, so I’m just going to assume it’s the norm out there. My point being, we are not really trying to be rude, it was just how we are raised. If you want to befriend a Chinese girl, then the first step is getting to know her either in a working environment or educational environment ie. classmates. I know a lot of my Canadian born Chinese friends are very open to dating men who are Indian, Caucasian, German, Russian, korean etc. The bottom line is, never approach a Chinese person on the street without previously knowing them. Also, we will still run like crazy if a random Chinese man came up and said hello. Something to clarify, this is from my personal experience and by no means represent all CBC. I also have been approached by friendly strangers and my response is always a simple Hello or thank you. My roots are Chinese, but my heart is Canadian.
My statement is…. not all CBC are really rude. Also, Chinese people aren’t about the looks, we are more about the personality + brains. The looks are usually the bonus.
I can say partly agree. Posting from Japan but stayed in Van for 1 year and had same kind of experience.
My female friends foreign born/ immigrants like me were very cautious since it’s not our home countries.
We were not familiar with Canadian culture especially at first and didn’t know what can cause trouble, so girls usually very cautious to avoid getting in trouble.
Also Japanese girls are not used to be praised by stranger and sometimes even think that person is easy guy… It’s because most of guys in our home country (Japan) pick up girls to have easy relationship.
So yes… we might look like awkward sometimes..
Very funny yet very truthful post, Tony!
I have been fairly successful with women, with the exception of Asian women. I no longer even imagine speaking to one of them, for a number of reasons. The most troubling trait that I’ve encountered in roughly 9 out of 10 Asians (both male and female), is that every time I sit down next to one of them they act very timid and scared, to the extent that they immediately get up and speed walk out of the café or other establishment. Even when I simply enter a café that has a large number of Asians inside its doors, within a matter of a minute or so, I’m sitting in the café all by myself. It’s like they’ve mistaken me for Godzilla, even though I’m what women would consider handsome and friendly.
**I’m by no means racist or overly using my imagination. This is just a very fascinating and humorous truth**
Another Asian female perspective here. I was raised shuttling back and forth from the east and west so my viewpoint may be a little different, but in general: I get approached a lot in the west. A LOT. In the subway, on the streets, at cafes, wine bars, book stores, and so on and so on. 99% of these men do not warrant a conversation (i.e. men who apparently have nothing better to do than hang out in well-trafficked areas and try to pick up women and often men who view you like a piece of meat that’s on display for them to take home and consume that night).
In the east, men (who are not crazy, homeless, or obvious scumbags) do not typically approach women on the streets with a pickup line. It’s considered rude, which it is, when the whole point of them approaching you is to “pick you up.” So the immediate impulse when someone walks up to me and throws me a line is to turn and walk away. ESPECIALLY (this is for the commenter who advised men to try picking up Asian girls in mandarin) if the idiot is presumptuous enough to try to talk to me in an Asian language I don’t speak.
Now if a guy is approaching me to start a conversation about what I’m reading, asking for help with something or neighborly/friendly – of course, I’ll chat with him. It’s all about how you come off. Don’t make it an obvious “pickup.” That’s just dumb and often, repellant. Keep in mind that Asians value things like humility and situational awareness.
Last thing – my parents went out of their way to make sure I’d have as many advantages as possible. I went to private schools, a top university, graduate school and got to travel and volunteer around the globe. As did many of my Asian girlfriends. So when it comes to choosing men to date, I tend to go for those who have thoughts, ambitions, manners, a better-than-average understand of the world we live in, and yes, consideration for me as a woman worth getting to know, not to hit-and-run with some inane line.
Hear hear! I’m an Asian girl too (Chinese). Guys…it’s sometimes not our fault. Try not to be so forward as to do a pickup line on a girl in public. It’s creepy no matter the background you come from. I’m raised here in America and have a Bilingual background, but I get approached by many men with “yellow fever”. Now I’m paranoid whenever a guy approaches me because all of them seem to want to know “where I’m from”. “I’m from America, why do you ask?” “No, like, we’re you’re actually from.” Ugh. As if I’m a rare specie to be studied. “Oh your English is very good.” And I really want to say “So is yours, good job!” I was raised here, I’ve studied English Education and Linguistics, so I do hope so!
TL;DR: be normal, and don’t have the mindset of “how to pick up Asian girls”, but instead see them as people, like yourself, and try to understand them, their values, and what they like. Girls can easily pick up on whether you’re interested in what they’re saying because you wanna get in their pants, or you’re interested in them as a person.
unfortunately, you’re speaking to a wall – ie. men whose parents never invested much in them, or value them, and in turn, they don’t value others for the inner qualities you mentioned. This is a forum about PUA how to pick up girls, use and toss, not how to build anything great or of substance. I feel like many of you Asian women here are wasting your breath.
You are replying aren’t you? So then they are not wasting their breath.
My mom is pacific islander, but she was raised in a family half Chinese. As a result all of my cousins and aunties and uncles are half Chinese and look clearly Asian. My Dad is American / white. So I have an ambiguous look. I think I clean up well. I see women (of all ethnicities) giving me the eye, especially when I am going to work on the subway and I am wearing nice clothes (I am a school teacher). So I know that I have some attractiveness. They always look away suddenly when I turn to notice them (sorry ladies but that is a total giveaway you’re not fooling anyone).
But It can be very frustrating because Asians ARE racist. And anyone who says otherwise is lying. And even though I identify with Asian culture, mostly Chinese… most Chinese who don’t know me would reject me on the spot.
Sometimes when I approach Asian women they give me the “uh oh here comes another creep with yellow fever…” vibe and probably assume I am Mexican or something.
I once moved in with a Chinese family and only after a few months did the Dad of the family open up to me, and revealed to me his English. We became good friends, I even made him a special tea to help with his bronchitis. (I study Chinese herbal medicine as a hobby). The tea worked and he was really thankful.
His son and I became friends. But still, this was only after a few months of living together.
If I looked more ethnically Chinese then probably more Asian would let me approach them. Some do, others are completely paranoid and give me the cold shoulder treatment.
My best friend from childhood is Japenese / American. His mom was like a second mom to me. I used to be obsessed with Japanese culture because I looked up to my friend like a big brother. I learned how to speak Japenese and I would always impress the waitress when we go out for sushi. “Kudasai. Todey wa, doko desu ka?”
I think it’s not so much the race but the background and the upbringing. If the person is FOB Asian they will be more skeptical. Because they have to be careful since they are less situated. If they are second or third generation they will have more confidence, but still, Asian women always have their parent’s approval in mind… moreso than white women. Asians are more “shame oriented” so when it comes to a partner… they want the most socially acceptable story… for example… “we met at work” or… “we met at school” NOT “we met on a street corner.” Lol.
The flip side is online dating. The only reason Asians allow themselves to do online dating, unfortunately, is because they are big time Gold Diggers.
The only reason they would meet a stranger from the internet is because they can tell their parents… “he is a doctor, see his profile says he makes 90,000$ a year.”
Again it all goes back to social validation.
In this way Asian women can often have their minds hijacked by these very shallow, superficial ideas that has nothing to do with Romance, which I think is more of a Western concept (think of movies like “Aladdin” or Shakespeare and “Romeo and Juliet”). (Does China even have famous stories of ” forbidden love?” Probably in those stories both people die miserably).
White guys can use this to their advantage. When a white guy appears “nerdy” the Asian woman assumes he has money. But he very well could be a total loser. Asians can become totally superficial without even knowing it. Because while they have shame about certain things… they are shameLESS about other things.
On my days off I sometimes don’t comb my hair, I wear a faded T-shirt and jeans. I probably look like a kid who lives with his parents and only cares about video games and drinking beer.
This couldn’t be further from the truth!
Truth is my parents live overseas. I handle about 1,500 of bills that I pay from my own income monthly, including remittances to my parents overseas… I hold a Master’s degree and I am working on landing a professorship at a local University.
Do you think the average Asian girl would notice this about me? Hah. Not a chance.
And I don’t really care. Because the people who DO get to know me benefit from my friendship. Those who don’t… their loss! They can find some “nerdy” looking guy who probably isn’t very culturally sensitive just looking for a trophy Asian girlfriend.
I have dated several Asian women though. So I can’t complain. Honestly in my experience these arw the generalities I have noiced..
Cambodian are the most promiscuous. Filipino are the most warm, positive, comforting. Chinese are the most exclusive, but if they fall for you they can be the most gushing, affectionate, obvious so… Chinese I would say is the most hot and cold… Japanese are the most likely to fall into the “nerdy white guy” trap. Also the most strict / repressed. Japanese mom’s are also the most doting on their young, likely to become helicopter parent. Vietnamese are the most family oriented, but also a little more open minded. Despite America’s history of bad wars… America did help a lot of South Vietnamese during the Vietnam war, so many Vietnamese are appreciative of that. Indian girls are the most Americanized. For some reason they’re the quickest to sell out for whatever is mainstream.
This is all generalities from going on about 30 dates with all kinds of women.
Very true to a certain degree. Not all Asian women are after money,nerdy white guy or the stereotypes you mentioned. Take into account of the minorities like me. We just want welcoming white guy who loves to talk about Biochemistry , Star Wars and books you loved. Heck i am not even a FOB or Asian born in a western country. I am just an Asian with a different mindset with parents who doesnt force me into finding guys with money. Their only main concern is that the guy loves me and understands my freedom and rights as a woman. I believe there are Asian women like me but unfortunately the stereotypes you mentioned are far greater in number than us kinds. I wished for so long that a white guy wont stereotype us for being Asian as you do and take us as homo sapiens. I am sorry Asians can be racist. But think about it, Caucasians are racist too. We just need to embrace diversity and keep open minds. Those 30 women are possibly within your vicinity or in the country you reside in, there are millions out there that arent as such. In generalities, yes you can be quite on point but in detail not so.
I think they are just shy. I have been in Australia for one and a half years and to be honest its hard to even have a white guy as a good friend. I do try to socialise but its as if a white guy would prefer talking or befriending a white girl than an international student who speaks fluent english and is very white and asian at the same time culturally. In the end, i give up. I am happy with my white girlfriends, my sri lankan girlfriends and friends from the wider parts of Asia. I am not even from East Asia. I am from South East Asia. Maybe white guys just needs to be like Ted Moseby. Man, I would totally give my number if there was a Ted.
I have never been interested in dating any Asians until recently. At an Asian restaurant there is an approximately 35 y/o Vietnamese woman who is a waitress. Her brother owns both the restaurant she works at, and another restaurant. She works at least 6 days a week, and has almost no free time. She moved here (US) about 12 years ago. I eat at her restaurant about twice a month, and have been doing so for about 2 years. L (Vietnamese woman), and I talk a lot when I am there eating. She always wants me to sit in her section when I come. My 18 y/o daughter is often with me when I eat there. L and my daughter talk a lot too to the point that I almost have to butt in to say something, lol L also has a 18y/o daughter that went to the same high school as my daughter. So that is something we have in common from the start, and is part of our conversations from time to time.
In talking about, and sending L some kayaking pics to her phone (we exchanged CP#s), L expressed a lot of interest in kayaking with me, my daughter and friends. I’ve always asked for her to invite some of her own friends as I have extra kayaks plus I want her to feel comfortable.
I am a business owner with a M.A., and considered good looking, and in good shape. Divorced 15 years. I am guessing that I am prob’ about 20 years older than L.
The dilemma is why L never goes kayaking? There is always an excuse of why she doesn’t go. I have never come on to her. Never expressed romantic interest. Done nothing to scare her off. She shows interest and excitement to go, but just never does. All of her fellow waitresses are jumping at the chance to go, but want L to go with them.
I am currently out of state in my hometown. Sent some pics to L cp, and told her I would like to bring her here sometime if she’d like to come. She responds back about the beauty of the area and says she would love too! This kind of response makes it complicated for me to figure her because it makes it even harder for me to understand about the “no kayaking” thing.
1) Is there a cultural thing I am missing here? Do I need to ask her parents?(but not known at this time if they are even here, or living). This has been going on a year of asking to go kayaking. She always is excited about the idea of going, wants to be let known in advance of when we are going, but just never does. Do you think she is being held back by family?
2) Thinking in “future tense”I think the 20 year age difference could be a road block to anything romantic, I don’t know, but I guess at this point I’m most interested in how Vietnamese women think in a scenario like this?
What is your advice?
It could be she is interested, but busy. Or, she is not convinced of your conviction in pursuing her. No, asking parents isn’t necessary at 35, and if she does need that, then no, stay away (she’s not mature enough for you in that case) Immigrants are busy making it in America AND appeasing their family of origin since they don’t have as big of a network of social support. They lean heavily on immediate family and in turn, want to fulfill the family’s expectations of a good daughter/mother/role-model, which is an integral part of her identity. Many times, they prefer to date inter-culturally (another Viet). If you want L to go with you, you need to understand where she came from a lot more. You may have to assert more or make it more transparent your intent (not because she doesn’t know your intent, but she may need to be convinced/courted that you’re into her before you rank above the other men that also like her.) And casual interest may not cut it for her to go with you. Totally smart if you ask me.
Disclaimer: My opinion above is limited and speculative, and should not be construed as professional advice since I know very little about you.
It’s definitely the culture of valuing a certain sort of obedience that plays as a factor – as an American-born Asian, forming rapid connections with strangers comes naturally to me, although it helps that I lean more toward the extrovert side and get approached often due to my openness and cheerful expressions, which get me more exposure and practice. Even when I had social anxiety I gravitated toward people/conversations all the time! (although I’d usually just listen). I’ve noticed at university that the exchange students tend to stick together, and that most of the Asians here usually don’t make friends with people from other ethnicities :/
i think asian girls overanalyze everything. when someone approaches me in the generic, “hey you’re really pretty” kind of way, it makes me feel like “wow you’re pretty open, i wonder how many girls you’ve said this to today; and really? that’s what you’re going with?” I’d rather be approached in a manner that doesn’t involve my looks, it’ll mean so much more. I’d stay longer if they were asking for directions. I mean unless you’re looking for casual sex then YES! you’re doing a great job!
Players Perspective: I have found that Asian women in the U.S. will usually date mostly asian guys or mostly other races exclusively. So if you are not asian then you need to find a girl who is likely dating other races. You need to understand Asian values like, hard work, education, loyalty. Not to say Asian women don’t value other things but perhaps these three values are acceptable to vocalize, things like beauty should maybe be left for later in the relationship.
Hard work: Talk about your goals and aspirations, tell her about your big ideas and how you plan to make things happen. Maybe assert how you would like to show her new things and places and how you can pay for it. This is the easiest way to communicate that you are genuinely interested. Admire how hard she works and respect her desire to work. Also be busy and active, do not appear lazy!
Education: Try and have thought provoking conversations with her, stimulate her mind. Try and teach her something new, Asian women like to be around someone with more knowledge than them. Ask her things she knows and share complex ideas about literature, cinema, music, art! She will let her guard down knowing that you have NOT mentioned sex (just don’t bring it up, they really don’t like to talk about this).
Loyalty: You need to go above and beyond any other relationship with Asian girls to show you are loyal. For example go to her work regularly and see her often, Asian girls won’t pay any serious attention to you unless she knows you. Find a routine and see if you can find a girl in that routine, ex, library, coffee, volunteering, activities, dog park, museum, public transit, school.
Awkwardness: Asian women may feel awkward until she gets to know you, she won’t show you her real self. Ignore this initial awkwardness and play it down, make her feel like she interests you. Make her feel interesting. This will go away if she likes you or gets to really know you and your intentions. Therefore make you intentions crystal clear, Asian women will NOT pick up hints. Asian women are awkward because she is intimidated by someone who is more socially experienced then they are, its a defense mechanism, i think.
If she thinks you are a player she will put her guard up. (unless she believes she can change you because she is blinded by her attraction to ((reproduce with)) you). Unfortunately as soon as you approach her in public as a complete stranger, she assumes you are a player.
I have had lots of success dating Asian women, but it is such hard work. So much time and money. Worth it though.