How To Create A Media Shit Storm

So it’s been almost a month since someone called me a misogynist, a creep, or rape apologist. I thought I’d be relieved, but actually, I miss the attention…a little.

Which got me thinking, what if I wrote anti-feminist, SJW hit pieces, just for the sake of stirring the pot? I mean, it’s so easy. All I have to do is come up with some headline that gets the rabble all frenzied, then lean back while the media knocks down my door to ask me if I teach negs.

So if I went this direction, I need article ideas. I’ve got plenty. My ideas are and endless ocean. Here are a few, just off the top of my head:

1. Why Being Mean To Girls Makes Them Love You More

2. Vancouver Men Are More Feminine Than Their Women

3. Women Were Happier Before They Could Vote

4. Every foreign Girl In The World Is Better Than Your Country’s

5. Ten Reasons Why You Should Have a Midget Wingman

6. Six Ways Racism Can Get You Laid

7. How To Rape an Oyster

8. Don’t Blame 9-11 on Terrorists—Blame Feminists

9. Twelve Types of Aureola—And Why They’re Gross

10. How To Pickup Girls at Pro-Life Rallies

11. How To Bang Your Girlfriend’s Mom

12. 27 Ways To Beat Up A Hipster…With A Pickle

13. I Ate Nothing But Cheap Cocaine For Twelve Days–You’ll Never Believe What Happened Next

14. Increase Testosterone With Baby Dolphin Tears (Anything mean to cute animals will work)

15. Nine Reasons You Shouldn’t Date Peruvians

16. How To Pick Up Girls With Your Sister’s Baby

17. The Ultimate Seduction Technique: Helicopter Penis Swoosh

18. How To Masturbate Without Hands (for war vets)

19. How To Seduce Trannies On Chaturbate

20. 42 Ways To Increase Your Moose Knuckle

One of those articles is sure to go viral, bringing in thousands of dollars in free advertising, and hate fuelled glory.

It’s funny, but when I write an article about positivity, productivity, or love, or why you should call your parents, I’ll get like five likes and one comment. But If I were to write, “Sixteen Ways To Poop in Your Boyfriends Mouth,” I’d be a hit.

The Dark Side is So Tempting.

Many of my peers have abandoned self-help advice altogether. In this politically correct, connected age, where every half-wit with a Twitter account can ruin your life, why not say fuck it, and write with purpose? Clickbait marketing is so damn profitable, easy, and a lot of fun.

So, which is your favourite? If you have any article ideas similar to my own, post them in the comments below.

See you at the Playground. I’ll be the guy in the priest outfit.