A Reddit user posts in r/relationships that she is the “Mom” to her bf—seeking advice.
I feel like that’s what my boyfriend is. Let me explain–
I am basically a mom to my boyfriend. It seems like to ever have something accomplished I have to either do it by myself or constantly/nag/remind/pester my boyfriend into doing it. College, dishes, bills paid, you name it.
No lie, I take care of everything. I pay for dates. We signed up for a place together. I kicked him out so rent is just on me so I work multiple jobs. He has none. Then he demands respect from me, and I’m just like but how…You’re my son.
I’m a mom that he can have sex with so he’s a mother fucker.
Don’t get me wrong though people of Reddit, despite this post focusing on a negative in our relationship, I truly don’t believe he’s all bad. I want to try to fix this, but I don’t know how to make/encourage/allow/influence him be a “man” not a little boy (didn’t have father figure growing up). Suggestions are welcomed.
Update: I guess this was unclear earlier. We don’t live together. Lack of domestic work was a problem when we lived together. Now that we don’t live together anymore and haven’t for the last 3 months, the problem is he doesn’t work therefore I foot the bill if we do anything as a couple.
Update 2: as indicated my a user it should be known that my partner was diagnosed with BPD 3 months ago.
Nearly sixty percent of American boys grow up without a father. The vast majority of my clients come from single income, fatherless environments. Many of these men lack confidence, work ethic, and are terribly ashamed of their sexuality.
Growing up myself, raised by a single mother, my only rules were to be home by curfew, and not get arrested or kicked out of school. I didn’t have to do homework, I didn’t have limitations on who I could associate with, and I wasn’t taught values like work ethic, stick-to-itness, honor, or long term life strategy. I was completely reliant on my Mother’s guidance, and since there was little, I became incredibly lazy. If I didn’t want to mow the lawn, I wouldn’t. If I didn’t want to do the dishes, she would do it. And on, and on. I wasn’t spoiled with toys, I was spoiled with freedom. Though I felt guilty.
I often hear about men with nagging mothers. That wasn’t my experience.
I was fired from my first job, and my second. It wasn’t until at age 16 I moved in with my Father and went to work with him, installing furnaces. I was a terrible employee: slow, unfocused, uninterested, lazy. At the time I absolutely hated working for him, but I learned something my Mother couldn’t teach me: how to be a man. He taught me how to get shit done, how to have a plan, how to be a good employee, an entrepreneur, and he mocked the feminine nature I had adopted from years growing up with women.
She is not wrong about her boyfriend. He is a manchild, and she is his mother. This is a microcosm for what is wrong with our society. It’s a society built on the labor and politics of single mothers.
Of course I can’t speak for all single mothers. Some of them work very hard, because they have to, not due to ambition. Ambition knows no sex. But a nation of man children is not the result of ambition.
Women know that modern men are weak, so what choice do they have but become men themselves? To become the providers, and teachers of virtue.
Men feel they have no purpose, and all that’s left are boring jobs, consumer toys, and mindless distraction.
Women wanted to be equal, empowered, and they have it. The result is not equality, but a nation of emasculated, feminized, weak, docile, apathetic men, and domineering, miserable, masculinized women.
My advice to her. Dump him. He has years and years of work to do, and most likely he will never change. You dumping him might be the catalyst that wakes him from the Matrix.