Every client has the same problem…
If you want to know what uptalk sounds like, imagine this phrase coming from a 14 year old girl: “How are you? Like, you know what I mean? Like…totalleeeee!?”
In coach speak we call this “seeking rapport tonality.”
Yesterday I was watching a military doc about the first world war. In basic training they have men fix bayonets and charge stuffed target dummies while releasing a masculine “Rooooar!” The purpose of this roar is not only to scare the living shit out of their adversary, but also to affect the mental state of the soldier emitting said roar.
I often do the same exercise on my bootcamps. I take men to parks and (or sometimes busy street corners) and have them roar like lions. Most of them barely squeak. This is mostly because they feel foolish, and don’t want to be judged by strangers. Basically, they give a fuck.
I’m not saying you should charge women, roaring. I’m just saying men need to identify with their masculinity, not hide, or be ashamed of it. We were born to slay our enemies, build great inventions and bed beautiful women. It’s in our DNA.
I’ve used this analogy before, but imagine how most beggars approach their marks. “Excuse me sir? How are you?” Do you have any change?”
This is how most untrained men sound when they approach a woman they’re attracted to…like beggars. It immediately sets off a woman’s alarm bells. “What does he want? Is he with Greenpeace? Does he want to sell me insurance?”
There are three tonalities to be conscious of:
- Seeking Rapport
- Neutral Rapport
- Breaking Rapport
In seduction, never, ever use seeking rapport, or uptalk.
Neutral rapport is normal tonality, the way you would speak to a friend, a barista, or a work colleague.
Breaking rapport has a downward inflection. Imagine your boss giving you an instruction: “Hey! Do your damn job!”
Breaking rapport in seduction is best employed in clubs, bars or parties. “Hey, you! Who the hell are you!?”
Women are naturally drawn to dominant, masculine, high energy men. Don’t believe me? Go to any party and watch the loudest guy in the room. The jock who beats his chest, stands on the table and makes noise. The women in the room are always drawn to this guy.
Now imagine that guy approaching a girl and talking like a 14 year old girl. “Hieee. How are you? Nice to meet you!” It doesn’t make sense. Why would he be an alpha male one minute, and an omega the next. Just because he’s talking to a woman? What’s he afraid of?
The best way to check your uptalk is to record yourself with your smart phone. Approach a few girls in the day, record it, and then listen back later. Become aware of your tonality and then do your best to eradicate it completely.
The reason your voice inflects upwards is simple: because you’re nervous. When you’re nervous, your vocal chords constrict. Also, it’s because you are seeking rapport. You want her to like you, so you alter your voice to sound as polite, and reassuring as possible. This has the opposite effect, instead of assuring and attracting her, it repulses and creeps her out.
The side effect of seeking rapport tonality is that it betrays your weakness, insecurity, and feminine conditioning.
The key to attracting women with your tonality is simple: Talk like a man, with no inflection. Try to sound “normal.” Talk to everyone as if you’ve known them your whole life. Talk to everyone as if they are your best friend.
Remember the old adage: Whatever you feel, she feels. So if you feel you are intrusive, and need to seek rapport, she will feel it. If you feel happy, confident, proud and strong…then she will feel it too.