Why Aren’t My Sets Hooking?

I once did an experiment during a daygame coaching session. I approached five sets of girls with flawed body language and vocal tonality.

I slouched, avoided eye contact, fiddled with my hands, and spoke in a submissive, quiet voice, with seeking rapport tonality, almost pleading. I said the same line, “Hello, I thought you were cute. I’m Tony.”

Not one girl stopped to talk to me.

I approached five more girls with confidence. I stood up straight, held eye contact, kept my hands at my side and said with neutral tonality, “Hello, I thought you were cute, I’m Tony.”

Four of the five girls stopped to chat.

When newbies show up on my bootcamps, they’re concerns are universally, “I don’t know what to say.” I tell them to stay in set for two minutes. Their problem is, the girls usually say, “I’m late for work,” “I have a boyfriend,” “I’m too busy to stop.”

The sets aren’t hooking

So I take pictures and video of their body language and show it to them. “Ahhh, I didn’t know I was doing that,” they say.

It usually takes me two days of harping and repeating the mantra before they acknowledge the truth. The fundamentals will hook your interaction more than your words.

-Don’t slouch or cock your head

-Don’t fidget

-Speak loudly

-Maintain eye contact

-Stay in set two minutes

After four years, I can say with the utmost conviction, these issues are the number one reason your sets aren’t sticking. Yet, even after explaining this to students, they have questions like, “What do you think I’m doing wrong?”

So we do a few more sets, and I repeat the mantra seen above. If their sets don’t stick, it’s because they haven’t adapted or employed these fundamentals.

One exercise I use it this: Initiate a game of thumb wars. All you’re allowed to do is approach a girl, hold out your hand and say, “Thumb wars.”

What do most students do? They approach the girl meekly, usually following her down the street for six blocks while I trail behind, watching the clock. When they find the, “perfect moment,” they approach. Then they explain themselves. “Hi. I just saw you, I thought you were cute, and I was wondering. Would you like to play thumb wars?”

They’re usually slouching, quiet, fidgeting. So the girl says, “No thanks,” and walks away.

“Tony. How do I get this to work? How do I get my sets to stick?”

So I demonstrate. I spot a girl, stand up straight and proud, walk towards her, run if I have to. Slow down, hold out my hand confidently; full belief, and say, “Thumb wars. Go!”

And usually it works.

Yesterday I sent a student into a mixed set of two girls for this exercise. I watched him explain to them, again, why they should play the game. They said no. So I approached to overhear him.

“It’s a fun game. If you would just give me your hand.”

“There’s no way,” she said, “I will ever play thumbwars.”

“Hi I’m Tony,” I said, shoving my arm forward. “Give me your hand,” I commanded.

She did. And we played thumb wars.

It’s not the content of your words that matters. You can’t fly before you learn to walk, run and leap. If you aren’t self aware enough to see that your body language and vocal tonality are creeping her out, then get a friend to video tape you, or make an audio recording of your sets, or hire a coach.

Is your vocal inflection rising? You want to maintain a neutral, or breaking inflection.

Seeking rapport tonality sounds like this, “Hi. Do you have an extra smoke?” “Hi, what your name?” It has a sharp, upwards inflection. Where a neutral tonality is flat, the way you speak with your friends, or co-workers, or ex-girlfriend.

Breaking rapport has a downwards inflection, “Hey! Come here!” The way your boss speaks with you.

Never, ever, ever, use seeking rapport tonality with women during a pickup. Bad tonality mixed with bad body language is a recipe for failure.

This is why your sets aren’t sticking. That and bad luck.