Pua Routine Classics: Insta-Girlfriend
Behold, the classic, “Insta-Girlfriend,” routine. Remember routines? Gambits? God I’m old. Well it’s guaranteed to make women giggle, ensuring acquiescence and immediate promise of breasts, nipples and moistened lips! Full money back guarantee. ***For entertainment purposes only***
It’s simple, fun, and effective. Terribly wonderful when employed by a fully developed Jedi. Best at sexually charged parties.
When your girl is hooked, or even as an opener, inform her that she, the lucky lady, is now your woman.
“You’re my new girlfriend.”
You ask her to change her mental frame, and pretend she’s your woman. If she plays along, she essentially gives you permission to escalate flirtation. Why would she reject her boyfriend’s affections? That would cause a breakup. So if either of you mess up, you get dumped. And it’s impossible to be needy by showing too much interest, because she’s your girlfriend.
The old champions preferred the line, “You’re my new girlfriend, for the next five minutes,” which was intended to be cocky, because you gasp…can’t show too much interest! I’ve tried it, and it’s alright. But if I want her to be my gf, why for five minutes? How about…for as long as it lasts? It’s lame to put a time limit on your relationship, even if it’s virtual. Like you have something better to do in the bar than show off your hot new girlfriend.
Dear Newbie, look, before you spazz and call me a jerk…realize this is ME, doing what I like to do. If you want to be James Bond, go ahead. Sometimes I feel like being Stiffler. And I’m an introverted, gamer, writer, and pickup artist. Pickup allows you to experiment with your identity. So sometimes I want to be a funny douchebag, and sometimes a Shiraz drinking poet. Be unpredictable, a spectacle, and an inspiration.
“Let’s get married.” (Followed by a kiss. You can have a friend marry you.)
“You’re my woman now.”
“You’re my new wife. Provide me with strong babies.” (This is where she laughs and hits my arm, saying something like, “You’re crazy,” or, “You’re weird.” I don’t care. I’m amusing myself, and that’s attractive.)
With this roleplay, immediately ramp up the physical game. Put your arm around her shoulder, pull her onto your lap, pull her head towards you and scratch her scalp or kiss her cheek. Sit her in front of you and spoon her or hug her while standing with your bellies touching. Act like she’s your girlfriend and you’re in love. She said it’s ok. That’s what you do with your woman. You hold hands and kiss and caress in public.
Most girls if they’re even a little attracted will say, “Ok, sure,” and play along. If she’s down, you basically have a free pass to escalate right to making out and sex. “You’re my gf now. We need to kiss.”
You can also use this to disarm her friends. With your arm around her, looking at her friends, “We’re married, right honey?” This way if they get lame and try to pull her away you can yell, “What the fuck are you doing to my wife! She’s my wife!” Then pull her back to you. This should be funny. But it’s better than just having a tug of war. Basically you are claiming ownership over your woman, and she’s complicit in the roleplay. Who wants to destroy a marriage? “I understand you guys are her friends, but you’re going to have to learn to love me too. She’s my wife!” Though, she may choose to break up with you if she prefers her friends. Or you could have a seperation. But it’s preferable to stay together.
The good thing about a breakup is the makeup sex, which you haven’t had yet. So your first bang could be makeup sex.
Be creative. Girls like creativity. Be dominant. Don’t ask, tell. Full champ.
It also guards against other players who shark in on your woman. “Hey, that’s my girlfriend!” If the guy is experienced and tries to test this by asking her if it’s true, she should say yes and continue the roleplay. Well, hopefully. You can destroy him by pulling a makeout right in front of him. Or just take her hand and walk her away. She’s your girlfriend. Remind her of that! Bitch better show respect to her Daddy. (Sometimes I raise my pimp hand in threat and say, “Pappa don’t like yo attitude woman!” This should cause submission and joyous apology. Women in a role-play can’t help but submit to her alpha pimp. It makes them horny.)
***Note. If the pretend pimp/woman beater jokes make you angry, it’s because you take yourself too seriously. It’s a playful game, and if you pull it off properly, women will laugh. Breaking rapport shows abundance and a carefree, socially free vibe. It also gives women a chance to reject you, which is good. If they take your sexist comments and laugh, you can be sure they don’t take themselves too seriously either.***
You can even create drama by having multiple girlfriends/wives in the bar.
You can keep the tension high by threatening to dump her. “I love you baby, but if you fuck this up, I’ll dump your ass for Cindy Lou Lou. At least she can cook! And she looooves giving bj’s.”
Make her do things for you. “You’re my wife, scratch my back! Massage my neck. What kind of wife are you!? I only hit you because I love you darling. Pass the Earl Grey.”
It’s seriously the easiest and most effective roleplay around. It’s an old classic that I thought I came up with, but I’ve read about other guys doing this as well. Have fun with it.
Add me on Twitter. I need more friends like you. Real friends. Not trolls. I’m so lonely.
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