Do Women Like Nice Guys?
“I don’t like nice guys.”
My Sister.
When I started this journey in 2006, I was shy, depressed, introverted and spent an average of twelve months of celibacy in between romances.
If I saw a girl I liked I would think…
“Oh she’s reading. She doesn’t want to be bothered.”
“Oh she’s going to work. She’s in a hurry. I wouldn’t want to be intrusive.”
“She’s too pretty…she must have a boyfriend. Probably a jock.”
“I better not look at her, I might creep her out.”
“I don’t want to insult her.”
When I was attracted to a girl, my seduction strategy played out like this:
Show up at social event. Bump into her through a magical random circumstance (fate), and then through my soft, genuine eye contact and bashful demeanor, she would see with her feminine intuition, my creative, deep soul…and she would love me. La da da, lee dee doo!
Whack, whack, whack, whack.
What really happened? Some dude would offer her coke and she would suck him off in the bathroom, then shoot me a polite smile as she departed to carry on back at his apartment. I would go home to cry into my pillow and play online video games.
Once upon a time before I was a beacon of light for men in the darkness, I liked this girl and I got the nerve to talk to her at a café. She was confident and aggressive. She stepped inside my personal bubble, and even touched my chest. I got really nervous and stuttered a little bit, which weirded her out but hey, she liked me!
I knew she worked at this little health food store, and I knew she like to garden, so I bought her some seeds and brought them to her work. What a seduction! I imagined her admiration of my romantic wit. She looked at the seeds, smiled politely and on a napkin drew my portrait. She handed it to me and said she had to get back to work, and left.
I looked at the picture. It was me, but I had this submissive, nice, friendly…I would say, soft…smile. It was in my eyes. I looked like a wimp. She summed me up in a one minute caricature.
Fast forward four years. I run into this girl at a party. I fall down onto her couch, “Hey. Remember me?”
“Hi Tony.”
I put my arm around her, she snuggles into me.
“Would you rather be here or in Vietnam, fighting Charlie?”
“Vietnam…duh!”
We role-play a bit and I kiss her on the neck…a bold move but she doesn’t flinch.
“Let’s go for a walk. Let’s go on an adventure” I say.
“I totally would…but…” She holds up her hand and there’s a big fat wedding ring.
So what’s my take on the whole, nice guys vs jerks debate?
I’ll take jerk any day. Being the guy that grabs a girls arm, teases her, doesn’t return texts, calls her on her bullshit….this strategy has landed me more sex, better relationships, stronger bonds with attractive women.
The old polite, care about a bear, tip toe nice boy approach got me nothing but a purple pecker from too much whacking.
Hotter women will actively screen for guys with the “bad boy” attitude because they get burned by nice guys. Nice guys become crying stalkers. Nice guys can’t handle casual sex…they get clingy. Nice guys show up on her doorstep at three am with flowers when she has to work at seven am.
Nice guys never call her on her bullshit. Nice guys never take charge. Nice guys are bad lovers. Nice guys are boring. Nice guys are jealous.
Now the “jerk” type can embody all the negative nice guy stereo types as well…but the bad boy is usually the safer bet. Chances are he gets more girls…therefore: No jealousy, good lover, less attached, more alpha, more desirable to other women.
Almost all of my writings are based on the initial attraction phase. I’m not a relationship coach. So when I tell you a woman doesn’t give a shit about your feelings, what I’m saying is your sensitive side isn’t attracting her…at first.
The lonely poet will dine alone, beside the lazy artist.
The badass rockstar gets all the girls.
Do you remember that guy? Let’s say his name is Greg. Greg the Douche. We all like Greg, but the dude is just so…proud. He’s always twice as loud, twice as arrogant. He’s never wrong (according to him). He drinks too much, he is vain and selfish. Everyone talks about him behind his back but are nice to his face. They actually admire him somewhat.
And you know this…Greg has banged all the pretty women. All the girls at work, all the girls at school, all of your friends. They haven’t told you this…but Greg understands how great he is. Greg gets that women crave emotion and fun.
The problem with the alpha jerk douche is that he hasn’t learned how to control his ego. Because he’s rewarded with higher paying jobs, and hotter girls, his behavior is justified.
To be a superior ladies man, take the aspects that women find attractive, and discard the rest. Educate yourselves on blogs like this one.
You can still be nice, sensitive, deep and attract hotter girls. But you will have to try on “the jerk” for just a little while. You’ll have to go through the process, because what you’ve been doing isn’t working.
(Note. There seems to be some misunderstanding with readers. There’s nothing wrong with being nice, and all you really need is confidence. But I suggest you swing to the other end of the spectrum for a while, just to try it out.)
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I’m a fuckin’ awesome douche.
I like nice guys, call me crazy. I found one that clicked and we just celebrated our first year together. It sucks that so many girls overlook the nice guys until they’re old and realize what they’ve been missing. That being said, being a ‘nice guy’ doesn’t mean you can’t be manly and assertive too. THAT mix is the hardest to find. It’s a fine line.
Hi Leah. You know what? I’m a nice guy too. But in order to become a nice, assertive, dominant, confident guy, I had to put aside being “nice” for awhile and approach a ton of women.
I was told to fuck off, to go away, called a “creep” and “weird.”
So I had to basically become very “I don’t care what people think of me.” That power is intoxicating when it works in attracting women.
It is a fine line. Unfortunately you like nice, confident guys, not nice, weak guys.
Unless you are looking for a provider. Then those nice guys are great, until they get jealous and needy.
Hi Greg! Embrace it. 😎
That is the stupidest shit I’ve read in a long time.
You don’t need to act like a douche to get women. In fact, that is counterproductive. All you need to do is build some confidence, and do whatever the fuck you feel like without worrying what people think of it. That is not the same as being a jerk. Not at all. It just so happens that those people do this as well, but they can’t control themselves. Look into inner game.
The guy who wrote that article has completely missed the point of seduction, and just fell in love with his own epiphany of “oh, I just have to be a bad boy. girls like bad boys, it’s so simple!”
You know. That excuse you used to cling to. “I’m a nice guy, girls don’t want me. They want bad boys, maybe I should become a bad boy too.” WRONG.
I think everyone has their own interpretation of “Douche.” Like if I say, “Let’s go douche around town,” I don’t mean be a total asshole. I’m pretty much as nice as they come. You can’t just become “confident” if you don’t have life experience being confident. And just walking up to women being “Yourself” isn’t always going to work. In fact, at a bar, it rarely does.
How do I get girls at bars? I tease them. I slap their asses. I make fart jokes and treat them like my little sisters. Of course this is mixed with intelligent rapport building and physical escalation.
If you are afraid of offending people…you are too “Nice.”
Hence…try being a jerk. A nice jerk. It will definitely work better for attracting women. I guarantee it.
Watch “School for Scoundrels.” That’s the point I’m trying to make.